THE FAMILY MEME
From siblings to babies to everything in between.
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and baby makes three (or four, or five..)
1. you're expecting! on purpose, on accident, whatever it is, you just saw that little pink plus of doom/joy! whether it's cravings or weird mood swings or just bonding with your spouse/crying over your deadbeat dad, you better start taking care of two.
2. congratulations! you've just brought home a bundle of joy! now what are you going to do with it. family bonding time?
3. the baby is growing up fast
4. your kid is ridiculously precocious. alternatively, you are the ridiculously precocious kid. whether it's refusing to wear their underwear underneath their pants, only on the outside, or becoming an artist on daddy's paperwork, they're so cute you just want to shake them.
5. the other end of precocious--a temper tantrum! screaming and shouting in the middle of walmart? totally. how are you going to handle this.
6. we're off on vacation! DISNEY WORLD DISNEY WORLD DISNEY WORLD!!
7. spending a peaceful morning with your kids is pretty great, actually. making breakfast, snuggling up under the covers after a terrible nightmare; it's great bonding experience, whether your child is five or fifteen. warning: fifteen year olds might not want to snuggle so much.
1. SURPRISE YOU'RE A BIG SIBLING. Can we take it back yet?
2. what are siblings for if not for pranking? drawing on their face, whipped cream in their hand and the feather in their nose--whatever you can think of to torment your poor sibling.
3. your sibling has a significant other? say what. whose face do you have to beat in? are you excited? or really, really overprotective?
4. the dreaded back seat share. mom, he's in my space! dad, she drank my soda!
5. despite all that fighting you really do love each other. maybe you need some advice, and there's no one better to go to than someone who's been through it all before.
6. dude, stop touching my stuff! extending to everything from giving your favorite barbie doll a bob to smooching your significant other! what a stuff thief!
7. helping your baby sibling get ready for their very first prom/school dance/date/football game/cult initiation rite/what have you is one of the proudest moments of your life, admit it. you love your sibling.
domesticity at it's finest
1. so you finally found the person you want to spend your life with. time to tell them. pop that pretty question, right now, baby!
2. and when the wedding comes, you know it's going to be the happiest day of your life. have you written your own vows? reception's included--that thing was expensive! your first dance as spouses, your best friend's speech, oh god, why is your grandmother near the open bar.
3. you got in a little argument--cohabilitating is hard. but at least you're willing to make amends afterwards. hopefully. we don't want that to end in divorce! this is supposed to be happy, god.
4. you're cooking together! you've worked out this perfect rhythm in the kitchen--or maybe you haven't worked out a routine at all. order takeout and cuddle on the couch or enjoy the best meal of your life!
5. happy anniversary! a romantic getaway or a staycation. whatever it is you're going to take some personal time to enjoy each other, because god knows you deserve it.
6. celebrating a holiday together means anything from giving christmas presents to kissing at midnight on new years. it's one of the best parts (or the most stressful--thanks, christmas) of having a relationship.
7. can't get much more domestic than grocery shopping together. or any kind of shopping! maybe you're house hunting. maybe you're looking for a suit for your uncle's best friend's wedding. or maybe you just have a couple of mouths to feed and they're starting to whine.
teenagers scare the living shit out of me
shut up i have a lot of parenting feels.
1. bonding trip! road trip. fishing trip. shopping trip! whatever it is, you and your mom/dad are going to have some one on one time.
2. "mom/dad, i have something important to tell you..." you can trust them, can't you? your parents love you. they will love you no matter what
you do. maybe you should just make it sound really bad and end with a jk, i'm only pregnant. or jk, i only failed a math test.
3. as we go on we remember all the tiiimes we've had togetheeerrr....you're about to walk across the graduation stage. or down the aisle. you're all grown up and your parents are there to see it.
4. ugh, they just don't understand! why don't your parents just trust you when you're right! so they caught you sneaking out in the middle of the night. or borrowing the car keys. or generally not behaving nicely. but you know what maybe there's a reason for that and you need to slam your door to show it!
5. oh my god, what is in your internet history. oh my GOD what are these texts saying. you're racking up the phone bill with this?! awkward...
6. let's face it, at sixteen, the last thing you want to hear is the sex talk. you would rather swan dive into a pile of angry porcupines than have your mom or dad put a condom on a banana. too bad that's exactly what you're going to get. ah, the birds and the bees...
And that's it! Ohana means family, kids!