bakerstreet | The Eggbaby Meme

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The Eggbaby Meme

"Each of your Eggbabies has a built in computer which registers the amount of care-- or lack of care-- it's given. These readings will determine your grade. As you can see the babies exhibit a wide range of emotions and expressions in need. It's your job to fill those needs."

How to:
✦ Leave a comment with your character's name and fandom. Others will reply.
✦ Congratulations, the two of you are now in charge of an Eggbaby. You can pretend it's for class or, for those who aren't in school, you can assume the baby is some sort of important mission. It is your job to take care of and keep the baby happy. If you drop the baby, you fail. You can not turn it off. Remember, this is a joint effort. This is a very important assignment that determines if you pass/fail the class or save the world.
✦ You can RNG a number between 1 and 8 to find out what kind of situation you're in.
✦ Good luck!

Options:
1. Other plans. You had other plans but now you aren't sure if you can do them because of this baby. Try to convince your partner to do you a favor or else you'll have to drag the baby along with you.
2. Broke baby. Something is seriously wrong with this baby. It won't stop crying no matter what you do and you really wish this thing had an off switch.
3. Lost baby. What do you mean where's the baby? Don't you have it? Wait, you mean, you don't? FU-- WHERE'S THE BABY?!
4. Perfect baby. Your baby never cries. In fact, it doesn't really do much of anything. Wow, this project sure is easy! …Dude, it keeps staring at me.
5. Not my baby. This isn't your baby but you're watching it for a friend until they get back from that super important meeting. They've been gone all day and you hope they'll get back soon.
6. Twins. You're taking care of your baby and someone else's baby. (bonus option: you're taking care of another baby and another and another and another…)
7. MY BABYYYY! What the hell did you do? Your baby is broken. You've failed your assignment. Maybe you can put it together and no one will ever notice or try to steal someone else's baby.
8. Crack baby. Roll again, combine prompts, or make up your own scenario.

( code。)

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[So many things can go wrong when Martin is involved.

Also, somehow he and Sherlock know each other and wound up with two of these things. Shhh. Don't question it. Or do, if you can perform the mental gymnastics necessary to come up with a proper scenario. In any case, an airdot captain, a consulting detective, and two electronic egg babies.

Both of which just started crying at once. In the middle of the afternoon, while Martin was having a nap on the sofa. He jolts awake.]

Bloody hell. I dreamt I was in the middle of the Blitz.

[He cranes his neck to look for Sherlock, on the off-chance that Sherlock is going to do something about the crying. Not terribly likely, but it's worth a shot.]

Is this what all parents feel like?

[ You keep on looking round, Captain. Sherlock is sitting in the kitchen and he is going to damn well ignore those freaking egg babies for all it's worth. This may be for a case but this is day three of dealing with both God-awful robotics and his partner in faked parenthood and he is beyond finished with this. Granted, he was at that point the first time one of them cried, but it certainly hasn't gotten any better. His eyes roll towards the ceiling with a sigh that is forced to be just audible above the din of noise. ]

I don't know and I most certainly don't care.

[ He is remaining seated in front of his laptop and not budging an inch. Looks like it's up to you, Mummy Martin. ]

...Right.

[He heaves himself up to sitting, pauses there and fixes Sherlock with another look. Day Three. Martin is this close to saying something about Sherlock's persistent unhelpfulness.

Once the 'children' are dealt with, perhaps.]

I'll take care of it, shall I?

[Martin's on the move, walking over to the basket they've been using as a makeshift bassinet. He picks up one of the babies and rocks it, which actually calms it down pretty quickly.]

There we go...

[Believe it or not, Martin had acted relatively positive about this whole thing for the first few hours or so, in a 'make the best of it' sort of way. In fact, he'd almost managed to have fun with the experiment, until it had become clear that Sherlock expected him to do all the work. Then it had become work. His roleplaying with the babies sounds a hell of a lot wearier than it did when they'd started.

He sets down Number One and picks up Number Two, who proves to be more inconsolable. Rocking doesn't work, so with a sigh of his own, Martin tries burping it. Still no luck.]

[ As Number Two continues its caterwauling Sherlock's patience grows thinner and thinner. He's naturally done next to nothing to help with this little parental experiment, all of the responsibility of feeding and soothing and nurturing left to the one that has ended up designated mother unit -- so much so that the poor man has had to hold them to his not-so-womanly bosom from time to time to satisfy their feeding needs when the monstrous AI refuses a bottle.

Needless to say, tension in the flat has been mounting exponentially since the first fit of simulated bawling.

Finally Sherlock slams down the lid of his laptop. The noise is just unbearable. Surely real children can't be this loud, can they? He feels a temporary sympathy for murderous parents. ]

For God's sake, that's the feeding cry, how can you not realize that already?

[ The detective stands sharply from his seat and storms into the room, but not to help; no, he's on the hunt for something to crack the shells open on the fake babies to disconnect them and be done with this, case be damned. Martin can bring the equipment back to MJN in pieces for all he cares. ]

[Martin goes a bit stiff and holds tighter onto the baby when Sherlock comes charging in, even before he's worked out what the man's planning to do. Call it maternal instinct. Douglas certainly would have.]

Yes, well.

[And then, Martin decides that this is precisely the moment he should stand up for himself.]

You know, this is meant to be a joint effort, and I think it would be better - I think it would make this entire process an iota easier for both of us - if you'd actually apply that brilliant insight and help out once in a while.

[He's been looking for the bottle now, because really, the alternative is still embarrassing, and sometimes it works, and he's only just found it when it dawns on him how furious Sherlock looks.]

...wait, what are you doing? Sherlock--

Don't use words you don't know, Martin, it's embarrassing for the rest of us.

[ This is offered over his shoulder without even turning around as he digs about in a drawer, finally recovering what looks like a chisel though God only knows why he has such a thing. Best not to ask, really. One way or the other he's shutting these things up and saying to Hell with the whole operation. He's only lasted this long because of the other, theoretically more important reason why both babies and captain are here: sensitivity training.

It was a small miracle Lestrade managed to negotiate just that after a particularly influential television personality had a run-in with Sherlock's infamous charm in regards to her so-called caretaking of her children. (Sherlock is clearly the wronged party here; just because he suggested different chemical compounds to cleanly rid herself of the children she so clearly had no interest in raising doesn't mean she had to go threatening to sue both him and Scotland Yard. Way over the top, if you ask him.)

And so with the offered balm of it being "research for a case," Sherlock was stuck with two fake babies used for similar training in flight attendants as well as the captain sent along with it. A week, they said, and he was off the hook, but bollocks to that. He'll talk to Lestrade and figure something else out. These things have got to go. He holds out his free hand, chisel clutched in the other, and offers Martin a hard look. ]

Doing what I should have done three days ago. Give it here.

[Martin, meanwhile, is invested in this whole thing going well, or at least not ending in tragedy: if only because Arthur is currently involved in a similar project, and this is just the sort of thing that Arthur would turn out to be surprisingly fantastic at, and if he can't outshine (or at least match) Arthur at something, he'll never hear the end of it.

He will especially never hear the end of it if one of the babies gets damaged, for an entirely different reason. Electronic children: not cheap.

All that said, when Sherlock holds out his hand, Martin clutches the crying child to his chest.]

No.

[ God, it just won't stop howling. Enough is enough. He's quite clearly undeterred by Martin's bizarre urge to protect a malevolent piece of wayward technology, stepping forward and trying to simply grab for the horrible thing. ]

I said give it here, Martin.

[ He will manhandle you to the floor if he has to, captain. In fact, if his initial grab fails, he's going for the distressed man's arm instead. ]

Look, I can get it to stop --

[See, he's got the bottle and everything. Except, oops, there's Sherlock grabbing his arm, and as much as he tries to get away or at least twist himself so that he lands without harming the piece of expensive technology, he's not going to be any sort of match for an experienced fighter like Sherlock.

And still, as he's being wrestled down, he tries to reason.]

Ow! Sherlock, think about this! This is not going to help your standing with the Detective Inspector.

[ What starts as "just grab his arm and take the baby" soon becomes "right okay we're taking this to the floor" very quickly courtesy of a great deal of squirming on Martin's part that ends up throwing Sherlock off balance in his attempt to keep hold; a moment later the captain is flat on his back on the floor and Sherlock is sprawled out on top of them, mechanical monstrosity trapped between them.

And just like that, the doll stops crying. Sherlock's brow furrows and he shifts to look down with a thoughtful frown. Yes, and there's the cause of it: the baby has ended up pressed to Martin's chest in its proper "feeding" position. The detective lets out a noise of annoyance and rolls off of him. ]

Lestrade will straighten it out one way or another. Now let me see it.

[ It's not quite so pressing with the din of noise gone, but he's still going to keep that from happening again. ]

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The Eggbaby Meme

Facetwins taking care of... twins?

lmagkhs oh my god

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so much teal deer sob I'm sorry

no apologizes this is brilliant

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