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[It's night when he's finally released from the medbay on Yavin 4. He can hear X-wings take off in the distance - no doubt going off to fight for the Alliance - something he's had time to think about since his miraculous return from Scarif: his role in all this. He promised to fight - to avenge his parents' deaths, but the toll it's taken - protecting and ensuring that the Alliance doesn't fail - it weighs heavily on him now than it ever did in the past. By all means necessary is what he's been told by commanding officers on more than one occasion. But what exactly does it mean to him?
His first stop after getting discharged from the medbay isn't his small, impersonal, windowless room - instead, he goes out through a back way on the other side of the base that's right on the edge of the jungle. It's mostly quiet, the air is brisk. Cassian pulls his coat tighter around him.
[ Jyn never expected to survive. They were called suicide missions for a reason. But when she woke up, safe if a little worse for the wear, people were calling it the will of the Force. They were treating her like a war hero. She wasn't so sure, and yet... everything felt different somehow. The light was brighter, the sounds louder, all real and hard and sharp-edged. Her injuries weren't nearly as extensive as his was, so she was out and about before he was fully recovered. She wasn't at her best yet, but good enough to be on her two feet, and wanting to be at Cassian's side. When they wouldn't let her, not during those critical moments, she never strayed too far.
Someone says they saw him go out the back so off she goes, where it's less noisy and people aren't scrambling back to the war. When she sees him, it makes her breath catch a little and she stops short. Seeing him makes her finally believe it's true. They both survived, somehow. ]
[Her voice catches him off guard and he's almost afraid to turn his head - as if Jyn standing there is too good to be true. But he does and he looks at her for a long while, not truly believing his eyes.
He had been prepared to die on that beach - he didn't want to, but he had no choice so he had to ready himself. He did all he could to get those plans into the right hands - he did all he could to further the Alliance - to hopefully tip the scales in their favor for the rest of this damn war. He did all he could for Jyn.
Jyn.
He'd been out for nearly his entire stay in the medbay. He hasn't seen her at all - not since the beach - but seeing her standing there...he thinks he might be dreaming.]
Neither do you.
[He takes a step in her direction and then another, watching her with an unwavering gaze.]
[ When he turns and speaks it's all she can do to keep on standing. But it's really him, and her smile falters a little. It was difficult to remain cool and casual when she might as well be looking at a ghost.
His gaze is almost unnerving but she doesn't look away. She almost fears that if she looks away... he won't be real anymore, and everything will fade away.
Jyn can't lose him, not now.
Somehow she manages to shrug a shoulder lightly. ] I got off easier than you did.
[ She steps closer, too, meeting him in the middle. ] Are you okay?
[ Then, before he can answer - ] I wanted to be there when you... when you woke up. I'm sorry I wasn't.
[Is he okay? Are either of them? Will they ever be? After what he went through on Scarif - knowing that his friends - friends, it sounds so foreign to him - had died there and that he couldn't do a damn thing about it - how could he ever be okay?]
No.
[It's the most honest answer he can give. He's not. Physically, he's fine - there's still some bad bruising on his chest and back from that twenty-foot fall, but other than that, he's fine. But he's not okay.]
You don't need to apologize. It's not your fault.
[When she's close enough to touch, he finally reaches out and tucks a lock of her brown hair behind her ear. She's cleaned up quite a bit - he almost has to laugh.]
[ There's no simple answer to that question. Was she ever really okay? Growing up, thinking her father was a traitor, only to discover the truth and lose him so quickly? To be one of the few survivors in a fight she had never meant to survive? To know she was not the saint or war hero they made her out to be?
...but something about the way he pushes some of her hair behind her ear makes her consider his question in a different light. Looking at him this man she still barely knew, but knew she trusted all the same. ]
No. [ She answers truthfully, a little smile playing about the corners of her lips. ] But I think... I will be, someday.
[ Jyn reaches up to catch his hand in her own, unsure what she's doing, what her future holds for her. All she knew was that being there with him... it was a comfort. It was real, something she could hold onto. ]
I know. [That fact hadn't gone over his head - they did do it - they set off a chain of events they have no idea how it will play out, but he can only hope they've tipped the scales in their favor - in the rebellion's favor.]
Thanks to you.
[What she did on Scarif - he's never seen more bravery from anyone else. It only highlights his cowardice - all the terrible things he's done for the Alliance with no regards to his own morality...and then here comes Jyn, saving the day, disregarding orders she knew were wrong.
He squeezes her hand tightly, letting her know he's there - always.]
[ Her smile widens somehow, despite everything. Of course he's got a lot to do with it, with its brilliance. With the warmth she feels now. Jyn eases a bit closer, shakes her head once. ]
Thanks to us both.
I'm not sure I could have done it without you.
[ Yes, she'd pushed on after she'd thought he had died, from the blaster and the fall... but if he hadn't come back to shoot Krennic... the plans might not have been transmitted. Not only that, but Cassian's being there with her had given her strength, too.
Strength to carry on.
Jyn was no saint herself, but looking at him now... perhaps there was a chance, not for redemption but just a real future. A better future. And of something with the Rebellion too, of course. ]
Cassian watched points of light break the blackness of the sky - he could hear it all the way from his small home. It was a celebration - hopefully an end, as well, but knowing what he knew, the work was never over. There was still so much to be done.
Somewhere behind him a baby started crying so he quickly shut the door, figuring the boom from the fireworks was causing little Lyra to wail. The inside of his and Jyn's home was warm and cozy and something he never thought possible. He had always had it in his mind that his life would end on one of those missions Draven put him on - and a part of him was okay with that. He had become so numb to what he was tasked with, but when Jyn came into his life - he finally had a reason to live.
He'll find Jyn in their bed, holding their daughter to her chest, cooing at her. She never thought she would be the nurturing type, honestly. But the moment she felt Lyra kick her, she fell instantly in love with the little life living inside her.
She smiles over to Cassian when she sees him, "I got messages from Bodhi and Baze. Same thing is happening on Coruscant and Tatooine. The whole galaxy is celebrating."
"I hope it lasts," he said, coming over and laying down with them. Cassian smoothed his hand down Lyra's back. Every since she was born, he couldn't get over how tiny she was. When he first held her in his arms, she barely weighed anything, but it felt like he was holding the entire galaxy.
He could still hear the boom of the fireworks outside - he thought about Scarif - what he and Jyn did there - what they risked - barely making it out alive. He wouldn't change anything that happened that day.
Cassian Andor | Rogue One
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His first stop after getting discharged from the medbay isn't his small, impersonal, windowless room - instead, he goes out through a back way on the other side of the base that's right on the edge of the jungle. It's mostly quiet, the air is brisk. Cassian pulls his coat tighter around him.
He wonders where Jyn is.]
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Someone says they saw him go out the back so off she goes, where it's less noisy and people aren't scrambling back to the war. When she sees him, it makes her breath catch a little and she stops short. Seeing him makes her finally believe it's true. They both survived, somehow. ]
Well.
You don't look so bad.
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He had been prepared to die on that beach - he didn't want to, but he had no choice so he had to ready himself. He did all he could to get those plans into the right hands - he did all he could to further the Alliance - to hopefully tip the scales in their favor for the rest of this damn war. He did all he could for Jyn.
Jyn.
He'd been out for nearly his entire stay in the medbay. He hasn't seen her at all - not since the beach - but seeing her standing there...he thinks he might be dreaming.]
Neither do you.
[He takes a step in her direction and then another, watching her with an unwavering gaze.]
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His gaze is almost unnerving but she doesn't look away. She almost fears that if she looks away... he won't be real anymore, and everything will fade away.
Jyn can't lose him, not now.
Somehow she manages to shrug a shoulder lightly. ] I got off easier than you did.
[ She steps closer, too, meeting him in the middle. ] Are you okay?
[ Then, before he can answer - ] I wanted to be there when you... when you woke up. I'm sorry I wasn't.
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No.
[It's the most honest answer he can give. He's not. Physically, he's fine - there's still some bad bruising on his chest and back from that twenty-foot fall, but other than that, he's fine. But he's not okay.]
You don't need to apologize. It's not your fault.
[When she's close enough to touch, he finally reaches out and tucks a lock of her brown hair behind her ear. She's cleaned up quite a bit - he almost has to laugh.]
Are you okay?
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...but something about the way he pushes some of her hair behind her ear makes her consider his question in a different light. Looking at him this man she still barely knew, but knew she trusted all the same. ]
No. [ She answers truthfully, a little smile playing about the corners of her lips. ] But I think... I will be, someday.
[ Jyn reaches up to catch his hand in her own, unsure what she's doing, what her future holds for her. All she knew was that being there with him... it was a comfort. It was real, something she could hold onto. ]
Cassian... we did it.
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Thanks to you.
[What she did on Scarif - he's never seen more bravery from anyone else. It only highlights his cowardice - all the terrible things he's done for the Alliance with no regards to his own morality...and then here comes Jyn, saving the day, disregarding orders she knew were wrong.
He squeezes her hand tightly, letting her know he's there - always.]
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Thanks to us both.
I'm not sure I could have done it without you.
[ Yes, she'd pushed on after she'd thought he had died, from the blaster and the fall... but if he hadn't come back to shoot Krennic... the plans might not have been transmitted. Not only that, but Cassian's being there with her had given her strength, too.
Strength to carry on.
Jyn was no saint herself, but looking at him now... perhaps there was a chance, not for redemption but just a real future. A better future. And of something with the Rebellion too, of course. ]
maybe post-battle of endor au?
sure!
Somewhere behind him a baby started crying so he quickly shut the door, figuring the boom from the fireworks was causing little Lyra to wail. The inside of his and Jyn's home was warm and cozy and something he never thought possible. He had always had it in his mind that his life would end on one of those missions Draven put him on - and a part of him was okay with that. He had become so numb to what he was tasked with, but when Jyn came into his life - he finally had a reason to live.
no subject
She smiles over to Cassian when she sees him, "I got messages from Bodhi and Baze. Same thing is happening on Coruscant and Tatooine. The whole galaxy is celebrating."
no subject
He could still hear the boom of the fireworks outside - he thought about Scarif - what he and Jyn did there - what they risked - barely making it out alive. He wouldn't change anything that happened that day.