bakerstreet | in a thousand lifetimes

[Worst soulmate ever? it's gotta be close. tags may be sporadic, but backtagging I can do.]

[If by "worst," you mean "stole her actual soulmate's body" then it's a very accurate sentiment.

But the body lived, so Wanda has no idea anything might be wrong aside from a night several years ago, before the worlds were bridged, when she woke up shaking and crying inconsolably for no apparent reason. But the mark remained, and she did not have her powers to blame then, so she had written it off as nothing more than a really bad nightmare.

She wouldn't be draped over him now if she knew and she certainly wouldn't be kissing him so ardently. Wanda needs to be close to him; one hand is wound through his hair while the other clutches at his coat. Physically, all is well and as it should be - the body is right, at least.]

I missed you.

[She rests her head on Loki's shoulder and nuzzles into his neck, for once content. This is really the only reason the others have started to almost welcome him - Wanda suffered terribly in the Raft but seems calmer and less skittish when he's around. Her neck is exposed right now and she doesn't even care.

Maybe in this case the lie is preferable to reality.]

[He hadn't expected the mark to stay, frankly. He'd thought that once the body was his, the mark would vanish, leaving him as unmarked as he'd ever been in his previous life. But it had, and although he'd ignored it for a while, in search of his own schemes- his conscience had had other ideas. His body, too- he'd tried a few one night stands, the way he had before dying, but they'd felt distinctly lacking.

So he'd sought out the other half of the mark, not expecting much at all, and found- well, Wanda. He doesn't have the feelings he's seen in others, none of that feeling of effortless connection he's seen in Teddy and Billy... but the body still reacts the same. He's so much calmer closer to Wanda, craves her presence when she isn't there.

And feelings can be faked...

Besides, he likes Wanda. It's no great unpleasantness to give in to the demands of his body when he can have such lovely company with it, affection and attention he'd have given anything for once. So he lets her curl in, eyes half-closed, arm wrapped around her waist as she leans in like that, and ignores the familiar and unwelcome stab of guilt, his conscience screaming "not yours!" in his ear.]

And I, you. I didn't mean to be gone quite so long. Forgive me?

[It's easy for Wanda to connect to people, easy enough that there are a thousand other things it makes more sense to blame for the places they don't fit perfectly: she is human and he is decidedly not, her powers give her senses he doesn't have, and it's not uncommon for twins to struggle to bond with their soulmate. Even, apparently, when one's twin was dead long before said soulmate entered the picture.

It's just too convincing to be a trick. The effect he has on her even when he's away couldn't be faked...right?]

Always.

[Punctuated with a soft kiss to his throat. How can she not? He is supposed to be the one person who won't truly mean to hurt her and friends are hard to come by these days.]

But I will not complain if you want to make it up to me. [Anything as long as he stays close.]

[He shivers. Everything feels so much stronger when it's Wanda, even a light kiss enough to leave him warm and less tense, and if it didn't feel so good he'd likely be annoyed by that. Not least because he'd never have known before, left out the way he always was, but also because it's something he can't control. Can't replicate with anyone else,

But he raises a hand to twine in her hair, the tips of his fingers brushing against her neck, silent acknowledgement that being able to do that is a sign of trust. One he very much doesn't deserve, not when he's lying, but... they both need this closeness, don't they? It's for Wanda as much as it is for Loki, he tells himself, and is glad he can't tell if it's lie or truth.]

Then I will. What would you have from me to make up for being so grievously absent?

[Her breath hitches and now it's Wanda's turn to shiver in pleasure. She can't even stand too much fabric near her neck these days but Loki's touch feels good and right regardless. It's a strange feeling, being perfectly content with that much and yet wanting more.

Stay, she wants to ask, but she knows that's impossible.]

Take me somewhere else. Somewhere safe.

[They're mostly safe here, but there's very little privacy and Wanda would really just like to be somewhere she doesn't have to worry about the rest of the team or being recognized. Date night is difficult when the entire world is looking for you.

She curls in closer. When he isn't here, Wanda never suggests going outside but her fears seem almost muted now.]

Don't let go.

[He'd stay, if he could. Being with Wanda, all the responses his body has to even the smallest touch, being wanted so thoroughly- it's addictive, and he always misses it when he can't have it. And even if it wasn't, even if Wanda's touch was as muted as everyone else's... he'd still enjoy her company, he thinks. He does now, even without the soul half of the equation.

But she asked for safe and somewhere else, and Loki can do that. There are places even most of Asgard can't find, without Heimdall to look, and he'd built or found hideaways in most of them. With a word, he takes her to one of them, built long ago in his world's Alfheim, a low sprawling place in one of the forests, still full of archaic furniture and flimsy hangings and huge windows that still let in little light. He takes them straight to a bed, for now, the easier to accede to her other request.]

Safe, and away. No-one will find us here, I promise, and we can always move on if there's something else you want.

[He wraps both arms around her, leaning in for a kiss, wanting just a little more touch. A little more of the feeling of right it leaves him with, despite how wrong it feels when he thinks about it.

He can't give Wanda her soulmate, but he can make up for it a little, maybe.]

Not for the rest of the night, if you want me here.

It's beautiful.

[Teleportation takes some getting used to, but once the odd feeling passes, Wanda raises her head to look around. She'd never place it as Alfheim, but the decor is nothing one would find on Earth. Wherever they are, Ross can't reach her here.

And with that assurance, the last of those lingering worries fall away completely. Wanda makes a soft sound into the kiss and melts against him, her expression soft and fond when he pulls away. How could she need anything else?

Of course that train of thought immediately goes to darker places - how can he think she wouldn't want him? Has she done something? Has she been too absorbed in her own recovery to notice that he needed more from her?

Her hand slides to cup his cheek and make him look at her.]

Why wouldn't I want you to stay? [She tilts her head up for a quick and hopefully reassuring kiss.] I know I have been...not myself. But I love you. I will always want you close.

[It's such a basic thing, and yet if this is one of the places they're having trouble then perhaps she's not recovering as well as she thought.]

[He can't even stop the small jolt as their eyes meet, the moment of recognition that comes every time they do, or the way he leans into the hand, chasing a connection that isn't his to chase. But for a moment he can pretend, smiling for her, a reassurance he owes her for being not the right person at all.]

You have no reason at all. The same can't be said for a great many other people, for whom the name Loki is something to be reviled and unwanted.

[For very valid reasons, true, but the rejection is still there. And he can think of one very good reason Wanda would want him gone- but he isn't about to speak of that, not when it would lose him this. He curls his hand loosely around her neck, fingers just touching the back of it, thumb brushing over her cheek.

It took him a long time to say the words back the first time, and he's still not entirely comfortable with them, often won't say them at all. He can love people, now, his friend and his siblings, and even then he doesn't say it much. Romantic love, the soul-deep kind Wanda means- that he still isn't sure he's capable of at all. But he thinks she might need to hear it, to wipe the troubled look off her face.]

...I love you, too.

[He smiles again, softer than he has a right to be, and offers her the words he always wished someone would say to him.]

You are always yourself, whoever that might be at the time, and I will always be pleased with our time together. You can be sad, if you need to, or angry, or lost. It won't change things between us, trust me.

[Sometimes, like now, he pulls off the lie perfectly. That's something no one's said to Wanda either although she desperately needs to hear it. It's enough to almost move her to tears, so she squeezes her eyes shut and leans into his touch.

She doesn't know there's a difference. Is it any great surprise Wanda fell in love with the Loki she has?]

I don't want them to change me. You are away or I am busy so much that I want it to be better when we have time together.

[And she is better with him, but once they didn't have to sneak around at all unless they wanted to.]

[He pulls her in closer, lips pressed to her forehead for a moment, not entirely sure what else to do. She seems a little upset, but not as if she wants to move away, and he can only conclude that maybe the words meant more to her than he expected them to.

Well, he's always been good with words, and if it's what she needs to hear, then it's something Loki can understand. Something he can tell her, with or without the bond.]

It's time spent with you. How could it be better than that?

[She doesn't know the truth about what he truly is. But still- what she does know of him is probably bad enough, and despite their imperfect bond, Wanda still wants him there. It's all he ever wanted, even if it isn't truly his.]

Besides, I doubt they could change you that much. You're too stubborn for that.

[Wanda shifts so that she's clinging to his coat and what purchase she can find on his armor yet again. She needs this, simple as it is. Being held like this feels good and Wanda starts to relax again.

It's a wonder anyone gets anything done once they've found their soulmate, but then again most people aren't kept apart as much as Wanda and Loki are. Making up for lost time - or erasing what hold the Raft still has on her - are completely legitimate excuses for staying here and doing nothing, right?]

I wish we didn't have to hide. There were things I planned for us this summer, but...

[She sighs, settling against his shoulder again and accepting the comfort his presence brings. This is enough, but can he blame her for wanting to be able to give more once it was within her means? 'Fun' was a luxury for so long.]

I am not that bad.

There are still places we can go, you know. There are worlds that have never heard of either of us. Not quite what you planned, I know, but perhaps interesting besides.

[He shifts slightly, nudging her up a little. He doesn't really want to separate from her, but there is one thing he should probably do. He doesn't really need his armour out here, and he has no fear Wanda might attack him, as long as his secret is still his.]

But we are hiding, and safe. So let me sit up, and I'll make it easier for you to stay close.

[And he wouldn't mind being a little warmer, being able to steal a little of Wanda's warmth without his armour insulating him.

He smiles, combing through the back of her hair with his fingers, slow and careful.]

Oh, you are. But thankfully for you, stubbornness is a trait I find quite attractive.

[Wanda makes a face at that last comment and, in a rare reminder that she is in fact the younger twin, sticks her tongue out at Loki as she slides off his lap. It's good opportunity to lose the boots while she's at it, though she takes them off the old-fashioned way.]

I don't mind if they've heard of us, just if they hate us.

[And there has to be a beach planet somewhere, right? She'd been planning to take him to this mythical 'Shore' and the boardwalks everyone kept talking about.]

Where are we?

[He laughs, short and quiet, and sticks his tongue out right back. His memories are old, but the rest of him is only as old as he feels, and being around Wanda makes him feel- relaxed. Younger than his memories at least.

He slides out of his coat and armour, puts his coat neatly on a chair, the armour dumped on the floor, before sitting back down.]

They might look at you a little strangely for only having two arms and being a very strange pink colour, but the rest of the universe has more to care about than the internal struggles of one more infinitesimal planet in the void, believe me.

[Which is occasionally quite useful. He looks up at Wanda, one hand held out for her.]

Alfheim. Home of the elves, which sounds all very nice until you remember the elves are people just like anyone else. They'd likely be displeased about me being here, but this place was abandoned a very long time ago. No-one comes here, now.

[It's silly and it's harmless and it gets a small laugh out of Wanda. Loki has more success in that area than anyone else, though Wanda's laughter is still rarer than it used to be these days.]

It would be nice if that was the only reason someone thinks we're strange.

[She climbs back into Loki's lap at the invitation, leaning up for a quick kiss before winding her arms around him and settling close again. Much better.]

People can be wrong, but I wish they saw you like I do. [Well, maybe not entirely. Wanda's not sharing although she wishes they could stay.]

You are very strange. You'd have to be, to put up with me.

[He's still a god of mischief and trouble, never staying still for very long- except around Wanda, when he wants her presence more than he wants to be doing something.

But she comes back close, and it's much easier to settle back and relax for the time they have, arms slipping back around her. It won't be long enough for Loki, but at least he's fairly sure it may not be long enough for her, either.]

You are biased, and I'm rarely this nice to be around. Besides, this isn't something I'd want to share.

[And perhaps she's wrong, too, about what she sees. So much of his behaviour at the start had been guilt and pretense, a way of quieting his conscience, until it had stopped being a lie and become something more natural. And even then- it isn't the bond it should be. But he doesn't want to think about that when he's warm and comfortable and feels good, and he leans back down for a much longer kiss, as soft as he can manage, to quiet his thoughts.]

Will you stay here with me tonight?

[As long as Wanda is unsure when she'll see Loki next, it will never be enough.]

Maybe. But I am still glad it's you.

[She could have done worse on the soulmate lottery - someone too weak to stand up for her if she needed it, someone she would always have to worry about hurting, someone likely to die on her. And a not insignificant portion of why she's even alive right now might be due to no one wanting find out what Loki would do if Ross had allowed there to be an "accident."

Wanda tips her head back to grant him better access and arches into the kiss. It's endearing how careful he is with her - for all her power she is still only human and much more fragile.]

Just tonight? I will stay as long as you want.

[Even Loki isn't entirely sure what he'd do, if Wanda were to have an "accident". He tries hard to keep his old instincts in check, to be a better Loki than he was... but Wanda has worked her way in, become part of the reason he tries. Without her to calm him, all his more possessive and destructive side rising up, he can't guarantee he wouldn't burn again.]

I would keep you with me, if I could. I suspect some people will be rather unhappy with me if I don't return you safely in the morning, however.

[The other Avengers tolerate him for Wanda's sake, and he's not sure how far that tolerance would last if he started keeping her with him for longer than a day or so.

And besides... it's easier to keep his secrets when he's not around her all the time. The longer he stays, the more relaxed he gets, it would be far too easy to let things slip he'd rather not. And the longer he's around her, the more he feels the need to confess- even if that would be disastrous.

She does make it very tempting to stay longer, though, pressing up against him like that, trusting him not to hurt her even if he could so very easily. Leaning in a little more, he trails kisses sideways, over her cheek and down under her jaw, slow and soft and still careful.]

Either way, we should make the most of this time whilst we can, don't you think?

[It's most unfortunate of all that fate has decided to tie him to a trouble magnet with such a short lifespan. He will have to either find some way to cheat death and age or learn to do without her.]

Dinnertime? [Because if she's being honest...Wanda doesn't really want to go back that badly. It's not home, and there's not much she can do without drawing unwanted attention to herself. It's a strange mixture of fear and loss and boredom.] They don't need me and I am safer here.

[Safe and loved and needed in a way she isn't anywhere else - Loki is the closest thing to 'home' she has, really. His kisses soothe her even further and Wanda sighs softly, leaning against Loki even more to expose her neck. Such a simple gesture, and yet she could not be more vulnerable.]

Loki...please...

[This shouldn't be a barrier between them, right? She hates that she's not sure if even her soulmate's touch there will be comfortable, but Wanda's not asking him to stop. If Loki's gentle ministrations can't help her reclaim it, nothing can.]

...I suppose it won't be the first or worst time I've annoyed the Avengers. A night and a day, then, and I'll take you back after dinner tomorrow.

[Tonight, just them, and tomorrow- they can stay here, or they can go somewhere else perhaps. See some sights together, buy some souvenirs, stay close all day where no-one will comment on it. A memory to hold when Loki has to be a universe away.

But for now they're here, and Loki would very much like to enjoy this as much as possible. Tomorrow and the trouble he'll be in will wait. For now, he keeps shifting down, trailing kisses over her neck, a little more hungrily now. They collared her here, and Loki doesn't like the thought of that, wants to erase even the ghost of it as much as possible.]

As much as I like the way you ask- please, what?

[Half-teasing, half making sure that he's not crossing a line as his hand settles on her hip, his fingers working under the hem of her top until they just barely rest against skin.]

[She tenses, nails digging into his shirt, but doesn't pull away. It doesn't feel as good as it would have once, though it's not bad or uncomfortable either. That touch at her waist is far more grounding than it's likely meant to be. It's just Loki. He's not going to hurt her.

She slides a hand up to thread through his hair - this is fine; don't stop.]

Help me forget them.

[Are they talking about the same thing? For Wanda, letting him near her neck like this is a bigger deal and her mind hasn't even gone there yet. Not that she'd object with proper precautions, but they're not always as in sync as they should be and the residual trauma isn't helping. Whoops.]

[He slides his hand up further, pressing it against warm skin, still going as slowly as he can. Whether or not this is a good idea, he can't say, but if it's what Wanda seems to need- doesn't he owe her this much? He can't give her soulmate back, but the near-substitution is better than nothing, isn't it?

Or perhaps it's all justification, making him feel better about how good it feels to be wanted, to have somewhere and someone who makes him feel less like the entire universe wants him to be Loki the evil god. To feel less guilty about how good this feels, even with just his hand and lips touching bare skin.]

If I can, I will.

[One last soft kiss, and he tips his head back, smiling, eyes steady and fixed on hers.]

I don't want you thinking of anyone else but me, after all.

[Wanda makes a soft noise when he pulls away, pure adoration in her gaze. His touch is cooler than her skin, though pleasantly so, and it feels too right for her to even consider stopping him. He plays the part so well that she'd never suspect the problems with their bond are actually his fault.

But Loki's right: right now she needs to know that she is loved and safe, soulmate or not.]

Only you.

[Wanda's voice is a little breathy and she is completely uncaring of the way her skirt slides to pool in her lap when she hitches a leg up to the bed for better balance. Now it's much easier to lean up and press gentle kisses to Loki's neck.]

[He should perhaps feel worse about how easy it is to make her respond to him, to react in ways he suspects she wouldn't with anyone else. Wanda can be sharp, when she wants to be, but rarely with him.

But it feels too good, having someone who does respond to him, and he smiles at her, a little more warmly than he would for anyone else. Perhaps their soulmate bond is a mockery, a stolen half-formed link, but still- he can't help feeling pleased she seems happier now, more comfortable with him.

He leaves on hand under her top, thumb rubbing slow arcs against her skin, the other hand dropping to a suddenly exposed leg. It takes less trust for him to expose his neck, but still- tipping it back for her is a sign of surrender he wouldn't give anyone else.]

Mine.

[He deliberately slips from All-Tongue to Sokovian, the word sounding more like "mina" than the english equivalent just to see how she reacts. The language of the gods is useful for being understood, but languages always did come easily to him, and the tiny amount of effort seemed worth it.]

Loki (pre-burning) | Marvel 616

lmk if you want anything changed!

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