bakerstreet | YOU'RE ALL I KNOW

YOU'RE ALL I KNOW

an amnesiac shipping meme

You have no idea who you are.

One day, you just woke up from the darkness, confused and alone. You barely remember your own name, much less why you're here...or where here is, even. Your own body is strange to you, and if you have some kind of power or ability, that must be frightening. Perhaps you're angry at everything so new and different, lost in this strange world you don't understand or know your own place in. Maybe you feel the need to hide away, lest you be crushed by everyone out there who is sure to hurt you.

You are so, so alone.

Only you're not. There is one person, one person who's found you and taken you in. They've shown you kindness, looking after you while you can barely look out for yourself. Out of the goodness of their heart, they've shown you things, taught you things. Most importantly, they're giving you a new sense of identity. And for that, you've begun to appreciate them. More than words can say, actually. You care for them so deeply that your heart hurts around them. Is that normal? What is this feeling? You can't imagine life without them, and leaving them- That's something you could never consider. Is this lov...

The word's on the tip of your tongue, but you can't figure it out, exactly. What you can figure out is that you want to give everything you can to the person who's done so much for them. You want to stay by their side and make them happy. You want to protect them at all costs.

So no one would blame you for getting confused when you see them with someone else or getting angry when you believe they're in danger. And certainly it's only natural for you to get frustrated when you want to tell them what you think of them, what they mean to you, and you can't figure out what to do. Perhaps following instincts will do?

One thing you know is that this bond and these emotions will never go away, not even when you learn who you are.

RULES
- This meme is for examining what happens when someone with no memories, potentially someone with powers or skills that could be dangerous at the very least, develops deep feelings for the person who's taken them in or is helping them realize their past. It can be played as awkward, adventurous, tragic, cracky, fluffy, truly romantic, or anything in between. You can play at the beginning, the part where emotions have strongly developed, or even when the amnesiac has regained their memories and must now deal with new feelings.
- Reply with your character and preferences. Mention if you'd like to play the amnesiac, the caretaker/help, or both.
- The role of caretaker does not have to always be beneficial. Maybe they caused this condition in the first place so the other character would be dependent, loving, and loyal towards them.
- Reply to others and play.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

[Open to either role; likely very clingy as amnesiac, or snarky and confusing as a caretaker.]

When the world started to come into focus, everything felt too bright. Too sharp and it sent a pain from his eyes all the way to the back of his head. Closing his eyes tightly, he lifted a hand to press over them and wait for that pain to pass. Lips parted and he breathes in sharply, every muscle tense as he waited for the agony to slip out of his head. For that moment, he only could focus on that pain. Then the throbbing began to fade to something more manageable and a new problem arose…

Everything felt wrong and unfamiliar. Fingers slid apart till he could peer through the small spaces to take in his surroundings. Nothing registered and he felt, for lack of a better word, lost. When certainty assured he could look fully at his surroundings without the rush of pain, he pulled his hand away and stared blankly at the ceiling. As long as he didn’t move his head or eyes quickly, the nauseating agony didn’t take over.

Turning his head just a little, he found the door and in the foreground before it sat someone he didn’t recognize. Furrowing his brow slowly, he ran his gaze over the other man trying to find something… anything about him that might make him recall this person. Nothing came… in fact, he found that he didn’t even know his own name. From the bandages on his head, he figured he must have gotten a head injury, which kept him from panicking too much just yet. Stay calm… stamping down that small pull of panic, he found the other’s eyes and held them. One question at a time. “Where am I?”

Souji hardly qualified as a doctor, and he certainly hadn't been the only one watching him. Yamazaki was the one who patched him up, and Chizuru had insisted on helping. But no one could argue with a rasetsu (new as that may have been) volunteering to stay up and watch him overnight, so he eventually had convinced them to get some sleep. As long as he drank the stuff, he may as well do something with it. There was some irony in the fact that "doing something" happened to be sitting still at the moment, but as long as there was a reason for it, he didn't mind.

He took notice immediately as Saitou stirred, watching the all too familiar process of someone waking up to something painful. "Too bright" wasn't a reaction he would have expected to the dim lamp light--but for all that he was unusually good at reading Saitou's face, he couldn't read his thoughts, so he remained blissfully unaware of that observation.

The confusion was obvious, though. Plus a flash of something else Souji had never seen in Saitou's eyes before; quickly tamed, but unsettling to watch. Saitou was always the calm one.

"If you're asking that, you must have hit your head harder than I thought. Or maybe you got so used to spying that you forgot where you live?" The chuckle that went along with that was more habit than anything else. He only hoped he was joking.

A hit to the head explained the pain. Something told him that it logically explained the confusion as well. His brows drew closer to the center as he took in the other’s words. Spying? Was he doing something like that? Unimportant.

He may not remember… anything… but he knew that panic and over reaction would not help him. However, that didn’t stop the look of confusion to leave his eyes. If anything, the other’s voice felt oddly familiar in a distant way. Perhaps that meant he could be a friend? He honestly didn’t know… Pushing himself slowly into a sitting position, the world spun a little faster in his head. His vision swam and wavered before it settled again. He obviously did hit his head really hard.

Lowering his gaze to his hands, he stared at them a moment. “I don’t remember.” His voice came out quiet and soft, almost uncertain no matter how even it remained. “Anything.” Turning his head, he looked at the other man, a line furrowing on his brow. How did you tell someone that could be a complete stranger that you don’t remember your own name?

He moved a little closer when Saitou moved, ready to either help him up or get him to lay back down, whichever might be needed. For a second he wasn't sure if Saitou might be dizzy enough to pass out again, but he succeeded in staying upright.

Strange faces. Souji had never understood why everyone else seemed to have such a hard time differentiating them, but right now, he would be happy to share everyone else's ignorance. If he did, he wouldn't be able to tell his comrade was trying to size up a stranger.

He tore his gaze away. "That's not fair, Hajime-kun. I'm supposed to be the one who tells all the bad jokes."

Hajime... was that his name?

The question disappeared almost as quick as it occurred to him with the way that this other person looked away. The motion and the words made him wonder if he hurt him with his own confusion. It hurt to think, but he tried with all his might to at least find a name for this person whose voice made him feel oddly at ease. Biting at his lower lip, he considered his words carefully.

"Please forgive me, but I am not telling a joke." He wanted to ask his name, but he tried not to overwhelm him too quickly. "My name is Hajime then?" He kept his tone soft, letting himself be more concerned with the other man's reaction than with his own fear of being so out of place and not knowing who he was or what was going on. Hajime... it didn't feel right, but he liked the way it sounded when this person said it.

Hesitating a moment, he leaned over carefully and reached out to lightly catch the black hem of the inner kimono at the man's wrist. "Maybe you are right? I hit my head too hard... your voice... your voice is familiar." He wanted, strangely, to reassure this person more than he wanted to fix himself. Like maybe that should come first and he didn't know why. Which was why he tried the faintest hint of a smile as he tried to catch his eyes.

I know you're not, he thought. Despite his words, there was absolutely no way that was a joke. Saitou wouldn't mess with him like that. On the contrary, the way he was acting was almost like he was apologizing for it. Did that make it better or worse? He'd only just come back. He'd been away for so long, and now this... This wasn't his fault. But it was unfair. Very unfair. And Souji wasn't sure what he was supposed to do about it. He was so sick of things he couldn't do anything about.

"Heh." Irony was a blessing. It gave him something to smile at when everything was falling apart. "My voice is more familiar than your name? You've got some interesting priorities." What did that say, he had to wonder, but he wouldn't linger too long on trying to figure out the exact way his head had been scrambled.

"Saitou Hajime. That's your name." He finally looked at him again. "Okita Souji is mine." His eyes watched for recognition, too intense to match with the light tone as he added, "You know, if I have to teach you how to use a sword from scratch, I'm going to be really disappointed."

Once more his brows drew together at that response, unsure if he made the right choice or not. His fingertips froze at the mention of priorities and slipped out of the fabric slowly. Was that a case of priorities? Could there be a reason behind one being familiar and the other not?

A frown erased that smile and he found himself moving. It felt like a habit even if he couldn't remember forming it. Soon he had his legs tucked under him in perfect seiza style sitting and faced the other man. Resting his hands in his lap, he straightened his posture. That felt better. Like something slid into place and he had a better center. It also distracted him from that earlier question.

Closing his eyes, he thought about the name Saitou Hajime and let his thoughts come to a pause over the man's name. "Souji." First impulse was to say the other's surname, but what came out surprised him. Perhaps some instinctual habits were breaking through? Even still he opened his eyes and looked at Okita curious. "Is that all right?"

The last comment, however, made him frown. "I would not know until I tried." A delicate shrug of the shoulders followed. Nothing huge in movement as he kept those purposeful so as not to tip the balance in his head at the moment. "But I do not believe I will be picking a sword up until my head stops hurting."

"Yeah. That's fine." More than fine. For once, the smile was genuine. "Everyone calls me that." And Saitou was too proper to make that assumption outright. Not too many people got away with "Hajime," after all. Even Souji didn't use that consistently. He just had a moment ago because maybe it would have more gravity, but that hadn't really gone as planned. Still, things seemed to be coming back. With him sitting like that and picking the right name, it almost seemed... normal.

"You're right. You shouldn't. But I'm curious." It was really too bad he was in no condition to fight. Putting a sword in his hand seemed like the easiest way to make him remember anything. That was the essence of Saitou, and if Souji could come up with anything that might bring back all sorts of memories at once, it would be one of their sparring matches. But that was off the table for now. Probably likewise with dragging him to a store to see whether he would fawn over any of the details of craftsmanship, though that could be pretty funny. He wouldn't put it past Saitou to remember obscure swordsmiths over a close friend.

"How about a few more names, then? Does Kondou Isami sound familiar? Or Hijikata Toshizou?" Always duty with Saitou. The names of the people giving him orders seemed the most likely to ring a bell. Hijikata in particular, he'd guess, much as he didn't want to admit it. "Or... I bet Shinsengumi means something." Funny how that wasn't the first thing he thought of. "Or Shieikan."

He made himself stop talking then before he started rattling off a list of names and things and places long enough to make even a healthy person's head hurt. There were so many shared experiences, and who even knew what might be useful? Some part of him wanted to just toss it all out at once and see if anything hit the mark, but he knew that wouldn't be helpful. Maybe what he said would be too much already.

Nodding once, he felt a little more tension bleed out. Going on the instinct to say his name correctly made him think that perhaps the entire situation wasn't so bleak as it seemed. He felt tired, but the idea of how much was wrong with the current situation made him not willing to sleep just yet. It felt like he should be figuring more out.

Inclining his head at the response, he made a thoughtful sound. "I suppose it depends on how quickly I recover." He turned his head, curiously, looking for the mentioned sword. Perhaps it would help him remember something. In any case, he didn't quite locate it before Souji began to rattle off a list of names that made his head swim. Returning his eyes to Souji's, he arched a brow as his eyes widened slightly.

So many names to consider. The name Kondou Isami and Hijikata Toshizou really didn't pull much recognition. They were just that... names. Perhaps something about 'Shinsengumi' did stir in his chest, or the place Shieikan sounded vaguely recognizable. Perhaps he just knew the places? No, only one was a place. His mind could at best supply that. While he bounced through the words, his brow furrowed and he reached up to press his palm to the side of his head near the temple. Thinking shouldn't hurt like this.

"Not... really." He may feel some strange inclination to the last two, but he only knew one was a place and the other... he wasn't sure. But they must be important if they were the first things that Souji brought up. Lifting his head, he rubbed the back of his neck and searched hopelessly through the brunette's face for answers he didn't have himself. Perhaps his voice sounded as hopeless as he felt in that moment, but he tried anyway. "I only know your voice is familiar... and..." He hesitated a second then looked away as he said it. "I feel at ease, like you are someone I trust."

Ah... that had been too much, hadn't it? Watching him hold his head, he felt bad about it. Making this harder really hadn't been his intention. He just wanted Saitou to remember, but it wasn't as if he wasn't trying to remember things already. Being impatient wouldn't help anything. Maybe someone else would have a better idea how to handle this, but he didn't want to leave him alone, either. Staying there seemed important.

If not for that, he might be hunting down the demon that caused this instead. That wouldn't help, either, but it might make him feel better. Those guys deserved whatever they got. He was a rasetsu now. He could pull it off.

Saitou's voice broke him out of those thoughts. None of those did much? Damn. Maybe it was because it was too much at once. Or maybe he just needed to rest more before it sank in. Unless- No, he refused to think about any of this being permanent. He was confused right now. That was all.

They couldn't both be hopeless.

Those last words caught him off guard. He didn't know what to make of it if those were the only things he remembered, but it let him relax, a little bit. "That's..." What was he supposed to say to that? "That's good. We trust each other. That's a good thing to remember." Maybe the most important thing, when it came down to it.

Distracting himself from that hopeless feeling of being lost in his own blank mind, he let his eyes try to chase and read the emotions on the other man's face. It pulled him away from the troubling reality of not knowing his own name and let him focus on something tangible. Surface wise, he noted features first, from the way Okita did his hair to the verdant green of his eyes.

Something about the almost invisible lines of a young face told him that the other was tired in some ways. Not that he could figure out why... but he also had an endless amount of pent up energy. Emotions perhaps?

What drew his attention the most lie more in how his own words tended to draw the other out of whatever thoughts plagued his mind. In any case, he smiled a little at him. "Ah. That is certainly important to remember." He had a feeling waking up with no memory would have been far worse with someone else to greet him.

Which kicked in that nagging urge to be polite. No, grateful. Bowing his head slowly, he kept his posture proper as he spoke earnestly. "Thank you for taking care of me." Pausing, he caught Souji's eyes and added. "If I was hurt in battle, that must mean you were there as well. Are you all right?" The possibilities of injury were high, and that worried him all the more. If Souji was injured, he shouldn't worry so much about him.

Saitou had a way of looking at someone that felt like he was staring into your soul. It could almost be frustrating at times, but he was probably the person who knew Souji the best. He couldn't help wondering what he was picking up right now with a mostly blank slate, but he wasn't going to ask.

The sudden politeness earned a raised eyebrow and then a laugh. "You're the one with your brain all scrambled, and you're worrying about me?" Valid, he supposed, considering that at the last time Saitou would have been fully aware, he still couldn't get out of bed. It was pretty obvious that was something he didn't remember, though. All the better, in that case. "I'm fine. Not a scratch on me." Never truer words. That was something it might take him a while to get used to, but he wasn't going to complain.

"Besides," his voice softened a bit, "I'm here because I want to be." He wasn't expecting thanks, nor did he need it. "Being unnecessarily polite does sound like you, though." He could be grateful for that.

His expression flattened out at the scrambled comment. Probably, he should have thought the other rude, but instead it felt more... typical. Which was why, his comment bordered more on dry than anything else. "I doubt seriously, having a blow to the head classifies strictly as scrambled." Granted, if he were honest with himself, it could be compared to an egg being cracked. Though, that thought really only made him wince just slightly.

Narrowing his eyes in slight disbelief, the gaze that slid over Souji this time was more analytical and cursory before he returned his own eyes to his. He saw no obvious injuries, but something in him said that the words still shouldn't be taken at face value. Not that he knew why...

The vague irritation and skepticism flit away from his expression and it smoothed out as the tone slide over him accompanied by those words. If he planned to catch Saitou off guard, he did a good job of it. His eyes slid away from Souji's face as he thought about that. "I see." Letting out a soft sigh, he found he didn't know how to respond to that. He felt thankful to have the other there. To wake up alone...

Shaking his head a little, he wanted to put the thought aside, but it only served to make him wince from the slight jostling. Once more he found his fingertips lightly pressing into one of his temples trying not to show too much of the pain almost on habit. "Do you know how this happened?" A sudden weight pressed down on him, as though the thought of his failure suffocated him entirely. This had to be a result of immense failure on his part, and that thought unsettled him completely.

Catching Saitou off guard hadn't been a plan. It was just something that happened sometimes. At least he didn't seem inclined to argue with him.

He shook his head at the question. "I wasn't there." He was in his room dealing with his own set of problems, but no need to mention that. "I know it was the demons, though." There was a pause, as his eyes scanned the other's face. "I'm not sure if you remember anything about them, but they're strong. Way more than any human is. It takes someone at least as tough as we are to stand a chance against them." We. Could he claim that? Of the two people sitting in this room, only one was still human. First sick, then that. How long had it been since they were evenly matched?

Still, all present injuries aside, if there was such a thing as a human who could take down a demon, Saitou was one of very few who had a shot at it. "You're just going to have to remember which one of them it was that did this to you so you can show them who's boss next time."

His fingers curled into fists as he placed them firmly in his lap. Why it bothered him so much didn't really register, but it felt like nothing could possibly be worse. His jaw tightened as he stared down at his hands. Even if Souji's words were meant to make him feel better, it only made him glare harder.

What he should ask himself was why the notion of demons really didn't bother him. Like he knew they existed, but he really didn't. No faces came to mind. No instances or indications to proving their existence. Just a strange acceptance like they always had.

"I see. I suppose I will." His words were sharper than normal even if he kept his voice even. Exhaling slowly, his shoulders seemed to lower slightly. It felt like the last of his energy was used up on those feelings of anger and regret. It only made his current predicament feel heavier and crueler than before. It made him stop and do mental stock on his own body. His head injury wasn't the only thing wrong with him, it simply took up the majority of the spotlight for issues to deal with.

A soft hiss escaped through clenched teeth and he closed his eyes. Deep breath. None of that helped right now. But he also felt like he couldn't lift his head, something he blamed more on the injuries than on that weight in his chest. "Souji... I think I should sleep now."

Souji hadn't really expected that to help. He knew words could only do so much. He'd been there himself, after Ikedaya. Knowing he'd been fighting a monster didn't make him feel any better about losing. It was all he could offer, though. Saitou wouldn't have fared this badly against anything normal. He could say that much.

The fact that Saitou couldn't accept it was reassuring, in a way. It was the right response.

He nodded at the suggestion. Rest would be a good thing. Maybe he'd be less confused next time he woke up, or so they could hope. "Go ahead. If you're not awake by the time Yamazaki-kun gets back, I'll tell him we talked." It belatedly occurred to him that he probably didn't know who Yamazaki was, but context should explain enough.

Staying in that posture, he felt his nails biting into his palms. Not that it hurt much, but the stinging gave him something else to focus on. Every muscle ached, but he still felt them taut and tense as if he were ready to hit something. Likely the only thing that kept him in place was Souji's presence.

The logical thing to do was rest. Rest would help him heal. But that didn't mean he felt like being still. Nor did he feel like being left alone. None of those feelings were anything he wanted to voice nor felt comfortable revealing.

"Is he a doctor?" He asked the question offhandedly as he slipped gracefully from his seated position to slowly slide back into the bedding. His brow furrowed as he placed his head on the pillow, his eyes shifted finally to look at Souji again. He seemed to hesitate before speaking softly. "I shouldn't ask you to stay." But he wanted to. "I understand if you need to go rest as well."

He replied to the question with a vague nod. Something like a doctor. The details weren't important right now.

"I'll be alright staying up. That's what I was planning to do, anyway." Nothing was going to drag him out of that room, particularly with Saitou looking at him like that. The other man's face likely showed more than he intended. Or maybe Souji was just in a unique position to guess. Memory loss was one thing he'd never had to deal with, but he was all too familiar with how frustrating and lonely it was to be stuck in bed.

Smiling just a little, he still looked vaguely troubled as he held Souji's gaze. At least he felt more relieved and less in knots knowing he wouldn't wake up alone. The idea of waking up and still remembering nothing was vaguely terrifying to him. So in all honesty, he hoped that Souji would be there when he woke up.

"Thank you." He likely didn't need to thank the other, but he wanted to. If anything, to show how much he did want him there. Letting his eyes stay on Souji's face, he felt like he needed to look for something more... like he should be concerned about the brunette, but he couldn't claw up any answers in the foggy muddle of his mind.

Searching his own mind, he offered a thin suggestion. "If you do get tired, I wouldn't mind if you slept in here." That being said, he drew his eyes away from Souji's a heat hitting his skin. If he'd not admitted to wishing for the other not to leave... he just gave a pretty clear indicator just now that he wanted him there.

He didn't need to thank him. As he'd said, he was there because he wanted to be. Both out of concern and because it had been so long since he'd gotten to do anything remotely useful. Upset as he might be about the situation, if his presence there was helpful, he was happy.

"I'll keep that in mind." He couldn't keep the amusement out of his voice, but he at least decided to not point out that Saitou was blushing. Much as it didn't seem like it most of the time, there were limits to how much Souji would pick on someone. Saitou had certainly been through enough already just now.

It felt wrong to feel that strange sense of embarrassment, but where he remembered nothing he knew it felt completely wrong to rely so heavily on another. Everything felt dark and suffocating in his head and like it or not, just hearing the other man talk to him kept the dark feeling from swallowing him up.

Sleeping, where needed, made him uneasy. It made him wonder if he'd ever wake up. Furrowing his brow, Saitou stared at the ceiling as though he might find some answer there to how he might bring light back to the darkened memories or were they completely gone?

That thought alone made him wince, fighting a battle against a wave of emotion he didn't know how to deal with. All he could do was will it away with the reasoning of not knowing for sure. Finally letting his eyes shut, he repeated that hope in his mind. Saitou refused to give up easily...

Too bad the subconscious mind wasn't as reasonable. Even the weight of injury and exhaustion could not stop the unease. The sleep that found him was distressed at best, and the fitful fever pitch of his dreams caused him to toss slightly, a pinched look of upset and pain on his face.

Souji saw the look he was giving the ceiling. He didn't know what he was thinking, but he could see how unsettled he was. He thought about saying something, but what was there to say? Most things he came up with wouldn't amount to anything more than keeping him awake longer when he needed to sleep.

Not that sleep seemed to be especially helpful, either. For a while, Souji just watched, hoping whatever dream might be plaguing him would settle down and he'd be able to get some actual rest. That was too much to hope for, it seemed. Should he wake him up? Or was fitful sleep better than no sleep? He didn't doubt that Saitou was exhausted after all that. Still...

He reached out to lightly touch a hand to Saitou's shoulder. Trained as they were to get up on short notice, even that might wake him. But if not, maybe it would help to have a reminder that he wasn't alone.

The fits and gasps were not helping. The motion sometimes jarred injuries that would cause a low hiss of sound in response to the pain. He would never call this feeling fear, but he knew what maybe hopelessness mixed with helplessness felt like now. And that feeling hovered around the edges of his mind like a thick fog he couldn't find his way out of...

Then he felt that light pressure on his shoulder. It jerked at his awareness until his left hand rose up to grip the wrist. Not that he could tell right away who or what... but he felt no malice or ill intent.

Slivers of vibrant blue peered out from under dark lashes as he looked first at their hands before sliding slowly up to his face. Souji. He let out a long breath, his nerves stilling and the tension running out of his face after the simple realization of 'who' slipped through his mind.

Tiredness pulled his eyes closed and in the same motion, his hand slipped down to cover Souji's on his shoulder. Switching to deeper, even breaths, his fingers curled through the other's and he didn't let go. A soft word left his lips, just a soft whisper of sound. "Sorry..." He had no intentions of letting go.

He wasn't surprised at that reaction. Immediately grabbing anything that touched them in their sleep was a shared instinct. It came with the kind of life they led. When Saitou relaxed after seeing him, he did as well. He thought maybe he'd let go, then, but he didn't. Just shifted to something a little more comfortable. That was fine. Souji didn't really want to let go, either.

He did wonder why he was doing this. Several months ago, maybe, he wouldn't have questioned it. But when he thought about how betrayed he felt when Saitou left the Shinsengumi without giving him any real explanation, or how much he resented Saitou not being there while he was getting increasingly weak and worthless... and now he'd gone and forgotten everything. Why was he doing this? It wasn't reciprocity. But maybe that was also a reason. Hopeless, helpless, and lonely... Those weren't things other people were supposed to understand this well, especially him. "I guess that makes us even, huh?" The words were barely audible. If Saitou had fallen back asleep, he wouldn't hear them.

Okita Souji | Hakuoki | OTA

Is prose okay?

Prose is my preference, actually! Am I good for timeline?

Perfect! And I think it works out just fine. :)

Oooh yeah Souji is freaked

Poor baby... Saitou is pretty freaked out himself.

Saitou... sweetheart...

He is so confused.

As he should be!

Oh gees... just overload the poor boy, Souji...

At least he stopped there?

That is a good thing.. I can't imagine Saitou calmly taking overload without glaring a little XD

The sad thing is Souji probably would have found being glared at comforting

True. It is a normal expression for Saitou.

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