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awkard turtle

THE AWKWARD SEX MEME

Purple prose aside, sex can be fucking awkward as hell. Or it can be fucking hilarious.
Or maybe I just wanted to use this gif for a meme fuck your bellyaching!

NO PROMPTS YOU LAZY ASSHOLES JUST POST, THE PERSON RESPONDING TO YOU HELPS SET UP A SCENE FOR SMUT AND YOU MAKE IT AS AWKWARD AS POSSIBLE. Maybe you have to look around for a condom. Maybe the guy just can't get it up. Maybe the girl just isn't getting off. Maybe one of you gets off too early and is too tired to help their partner finish. Maybe the partner gets a look at their other partner's dick and starts laughing uncontrollably because it looks like a small frightened turtle. Maybe neither of them can get off and it's just a mess of pointless humping. Maybe all these things happen at once.

COME UP WITH THE AWKWARD SITUATION YOURSELVES BECAUSE HOLY FUCK DO I NEED TO SPOON FEED YOU EVERYTHING.
Watch as nobody does this meme because people are lazy fucks.

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[OOC: Kaine is intersexed, so there's some awkward right there for you.]

[Finally, Souji had his own apartment. It wasn't anything special, sure, but for living on a budget in Tokyo, it was a more than passable bachelor pad. More importantly, however, it was about to get its first test run. A night out at the local bar led him to chat up one particular girl that caught his eye: beautiful face, legs for days, curves in all the right places and she knew how to show them.

So he bought her a drink. Drinks led to conversation, conversation led to making out, making out led to "your place or mine," and the grand tour led to the bedroom.]

And this, Kaine, is where the magic happens.

Edited (Superfluous "and") 2012-05-25 19:49 (UTC)

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goldentouch - 2012-05-28 17:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Kaine | Nier | OTA

dolan - 2012-05-25 20:04 (UTC) - Expand

You taste like cheese and ripped pants.

[ jams her tongue into one of his luscious spongeholes. ]

here comes the 8some

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[ The night had been going well, in his estimation of things -- which, to be fair, could be wildly different from hers -- and the transition from kissing to making out to sex had been so smooth he hadn't even been troubled with thoughts about whether this was a good idea or not. Kissing her feels too good to let any of that cloud his thoughts right now.

They're both almost completely nude, and then he realizes he doesn't remember if he brought a condom. It's not the sort of thing he's needed to prepare for, in recent years, and though the night has been wonderful, he's clearly hit a snag. He doesn't want to pull away from her, and it will completely kill the mood. ]

I, uh. [ He chuckles nervously. ] Gotta find a condom.

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notahero - 2012-05-29 13:51 (UTC) - Expand

I did mention that I'm the god of speed, didn't I?

[....welp.]

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cerebral - 2012-05-25 21:43 (UTC) - Expand

because Charles beds all the gods apparently

disadvantaged - 2012-05-25 23:11 (UTC) - Expand

his ambrosia milkshake brings them all to the yard? 8)

cerebral - 2012-05-26 05:33 (UTC) - Expand

Loki's got hips that don't lie, though

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 05:40 (UTC) - Expand

it's okay, he is ready for this jelly

cerebral - 2012-05-26 05:59 (UTC) - Expand

you could never be ready for JELLY OF THIS MAGNITUDE

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 06:09 (UTC) - Expand

it's too bootylicious /shields eyes

cerebral - 2012-05-26 06:17 (UTC) - Expand

asdfjk YEP bootylicious is definitely the first word I'd associate with Loki :')

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 06:26 (UTC) - Expand

8D

cerebral - 2012-05-26 06:36 (UTC) - Expand

SHAKIN' WHAT LAUFEY GAVE HIM...

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 06:42 (UTC) - Expand

lmfao XD

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[Lan is a petite snakey-bird lady with a patch of colour-shifting bioluminescent scales at the base of her throat.]

Humans are an odd lot once you've got their clothing off.

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[It's Yosuke, what other kind is there but awkward?]

[Well any awkward that Yosuke normally creates is likely expanded on by the fact he was dealing with something not exactly human nor exactly sure of what to do.]

Yosuke, it's--

O-ow! Not so fast!

Take it easy, meme-san~~

[SLIDES HAND UP THIGH]

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(Anonymous) - 2012-05-26 01:24 (UTC) - Expand

...

I have absolutely no idea about what to do.

[He glances over at the other man with a worried expression.]

Sure, why not?

serene_rage - 2012-05-25 21:37 (UTC) - Expand

OK. :)

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[

Expect it to be something like this. ]

Edited 2012-05-25 21:15 (UTC)

[ Doesn't being in a bed with a talking porcupine already count as awkward enough? Seriously. ]

i wish i knew what i was thinking making that

obfuskate - 2012-05-25 23:24 (UTC) - Expand

asdfjk HOGHOOD what is this I can't

disadvantaged - 2012-05-25 23:31 (UTC) - Expand

I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE LMFAOghdjkuet

obfuskate - 2012-05-25 23:35 (UTC) - Expand

is this the real life

disadvantaged - 2012-05-25 23:50 (UTC) - Expand

or is this just... fantasy...

obfuskate - 2012-05-25 23:54 (UTC) - Expand

CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIDE

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 00:02 (UTC) - Expand

NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY

obfuskate - 2012-05-26 00:05 (UTC) - Expand

OPEN YOUR EYEEEEES oh god are we really doing this

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 00:08 (UTC) - Expand

AND SEEEEEEEEEEEE (that this is the best/worst smutting tbh)

obfuskate - 2012-05-26 00:16 (UTC) - Expand

skips to headbanging part DOODOODOODOOODOOODOOOOOO (crying over here sob)

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 00:23 (UTC) - Expand

SO MANY TEARS...

obfuskate - 2012-05-26 00:30 (UTC) - Expand

THEY ARE TEARS OF LAUGHTER AND JOY THOUGH

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 00:35 (UTC) - Expand

OK THOSE ARE PRETTY GOOD TEARS

obfuskate - 2012-05-26 00:45 (UTC) - Expand

shadow you're so kawaii when someone's jacking you off :3

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 00:52 (UTC) - Expand

s-suteki shadou-chan desu

obfuskate - 2012-05-26 01:09 (UTC) - Expand

this thread is so suegoyyy ::・(￣∀￣)・::(´・ω・｀)

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 01:15 (UTC) - Expand

sugoi nyaaaaa ＼＿（´∀｀★）

obfuskate - 2012-05-26 01:19 (UTC) - Expand

not enough awkward in this thread man I'M DISAPPOINTED

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 01:29 (UTC) - Expand

hedgehog semen doesn't sound appealing at least

obfuskate - 2012-05-26 01:32 (UTC) - Expand

dooooo not want.

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 01:36 (UTC) - Expand

GROSS

obfuskate - 2012-05-26 01:38 (UTC) - Expand

like, barfaroni, man

disadvantaged - 2012-05-26 02:01 (UTC) - Expand

barfaroni and poopcheese really

obfuskate - 2012-05-26 14:34 (UTC) - Expand

(she's a 5 on the Kinsey, so sex with guys is doubly awkward for everyone)

[How can sex with this man be anything but awkward?]

[[OOC;; running out for errands for a bit, will tag back when I return!~]]

[What do you do when you have a gorgeous 22-year-old probending champion on your bed? Also, what if he's shirtless? And bitchy?]

Hurry it up, old man. I won't be drunk forever.

i will probably hate myself for this probably

equilibrate - 2012-06-01 14:22 (UTC) - Expand

[My body is ready.]

You're not seriously keeping the neckerchief on for this, are you?

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greatdestiny - 2012-05-26 02:10 (UTC) - Expand

[story of his life.]

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