bakerstreet | Non-sexual Intimacy

Non-sexual Intimacy

Intimacy is NOT necessarily about full sexual contact. Intimacy is all about two people forming a connection and bond between them. That involves becoming best friends, trusting each other, knowing each other, understanding each other. Intimacy is grown and developed, it can't be rushed.

Nonsexual forms of intimacy can add a great deal of depth and variety to fiction. On one end of the spectrum, they provide extra steps to support the journey from meeting a potential mate through romance, sex, and marriage. In the middle, they convey the import of family and professional connections, distinguishing those from more casual acquaintances. On the other end, they form much of the glue in primary relationships for people who don't base their ties on sexuality. Sex is valuable, but it's not everything.

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PROMPTS

Hair care. Brushing, braiding, washing, cutting -- all of these involve a lot of careful touching in ways that many people enjoy. Hair braiding is a bonding experience in some cultures. In fact, grooming is a bonding technique for social primates in general. People without close ties to others often treat themselves to regular salon visits as a socially acceptable way to meet the need for touch and interaction.
Shaving. This involves an unusually high level of trust, especially if the person is using a straight-edge razor or something else with an exposed blade rather than just a buzzer. Although it can apply to women, shaving is one of the few forms of physical intimacy that is most closely associated with men due to their facial hair. Initiaton into shaving is a major milestone for becoming a man, not just for boys during puberty but also for transsexuals during transition.
Bathing. This varies by culture; in America most people bathe alone but some other cultures practice communal bathing. A bath is usually more intimate than a shower, although a public bath can be non-intimate and small shower stall can be intimate. It's also different when two people wash each other (an exchange of intimacy and affection) than when one person washes someone else (more of a caretaking or protective gesture).
Feeding. A classic romantic motif involves lovers feeding each other, but it works as a way of providing and caring for someone in any context. Like bathing, it can also clue whether both parties are participating equally or one is taking care of the other (temporarily or regularly). This one has an existential flavor since survival depends on food supply.
Seeing someone without their adaptive equipment on. This includes glasses, dentalware, prosthetic limbs, a wheelchair, etc. Adaptive equipment is part of one's presentation to the everyday world, and taking it off can be as intimate as removing clothing, for many people in many contexts.
Holding Hands. There can be many reasons for this gesture. Physical closeness, offering comfort, or staying together in a crowd, all may have you reaching for someone.
Undressing someone. This can be kind of a one-way experience if the recipient isn't awake, and is often awkward for both people if they are awake. Sometimes it happens because hands are out of commission, but a more common example is someone passing out drunk. Overheating is another good reason. Different circumstances can imply different levels of intimacy.
Sharing secrets. This especially applies to talking about personal issues that aren't widely known. An exchange of secrets is a common ritual between "best friends" among girls and women, but appears elsewhere as well. Some things are only discussed among people with a common reference; veterans may be more comfortable discussing war memories with each other than civilians.
Ordering for someone in a restaurant. Acquiring food, without asking the other person what to get, shows a knowledge of their needs and desires. Providing food is also a gesture of support and sustenance.
Providing moral support at a major event. Helping someone get through a funeral, a trial, or other intense but not crisis situation is usually performed by a very dear friend. This is a situation where lovers or family members may be too close to the matter to be much use.
Crying on someone. When you cry, you tend to let your guard down. Most of the people close to you will see you cry at some point, so that can be a milestone in a relationship. Actually crying on someone, letting them hold you, is even more intimate.
Serving in a primary role for someone during a wedding. This includes the best man or maid of honor at a wedding, or stand-in for absent parents, etc. as well as the traditional family roles. One aspect of intimacy is sharing each other's lives, including ceremonies and transitions.
Comforting someone after a bad breakup. Moments of great vulnerability can bring people closer. While this role sometimes falls to family, breakup repair more often goes to a woman's female friends or a man's male friends.
Listening to someone's heartbeat or breathing. Close body contact, enough to carry soft personal sounds, tends to be comforting as well as connecting, as it touches on positive childhood memories for most people. It is shared between parent and child, sometimes between siblings, and later between lovers. Tight nonsexual partners may also do this.
Putting someone to bed. Interestingly, this activity can happen among people who are just getting to know each other -- most often if someone passes out drunk, but exhaustion can have a similar effect. It's a gesture of caring to put someone to bed rather than leave them where they drop. A milder version involves draping a blanket or coat over a person asleep on a couch or the like.
Sleeping in the same bed. This is an act of shared vulnerability and intimacy. Lovers customarily do this; so do some siblings or friends, especially as children. People may also be driven to share a bed, sleeping bag, etc. for warmth or lack of other accommodations in challenging circumstances.
Watching someone sleep. There is more vulnerability on the part of the sleeper, and more intimacy from the watcher, when only one person is asleep. Parents often watch their children sleep. Lovers sometimes do this with each other, which can be cute or creepy. It's also a guard position, useful for showing that one character seeks to protect another.
Waking someone up from a nightmare. A subtler form of rescue than more physical actions, this is still a gesture of protection and caring. It often leads to comfort afterwards. A typical courtesy between parent and child, or lovers, this can also be an early threshold for characters thrust together unexpectedly if one of them has sturdy daytime walls and a lot of issues. It is common, but often unspoken, among war buddies or veterans, many of whom have nightmares.
Sharing clothes, jewelry, other personal items. This is common between siblings or close female friends. Sometimes roommates do it too. Wearing someone else's shirt or bathrobe is typical in romantic relationships, so can suggest a similar level of intimacy even in the absence of sex.
Cleaning someone else's living space. This shows care and knowledge on the part of the cleaner, and trust on the part of the recipient. You have to know what NOT to throw away or move. It's typical of family members and roommates. Coworkers may clean each other's desk, office space, etc.
Living together. This is a big step, even if it's just for a little while. Housemates are in each other's pockets; it's hard to keep secrets. Family members and lovers often live together, but housemates who are family-of-choice form a category of their own. If you don't want a romantic partner, a permanent housemate is a good choice for someone to share your life with.
Childbirth. Attending the blessed event entails providing a lot of moral support for hours under high stress. It can create a bond with the baby as well as with the mother. When planned, this opportunity is only offered to the closest family members or friends, barring professionals. But it can happen by surprise in very awkward circumstances, a popular motif in fiction.
Saving someone's life. Quick action in a life-threatening situation demonstrates how much one person values another. This can create a strong sense of connection, and sometimes obligation. It often, though not always, entails personal risk for the rescuer. This is fairly typical for military buddies or police partners, etc.
Risking your life for someone. Placing someone else ahead of your own life shows their importance to you unequivocally. This often, though not always, involves trying to save or protect another person. While it can create a sense of gratitude, it frequently causes anger as well -- someone who loves you will generally object to you endangering yourself, even to protect them. Military and police buddies protect each other regularly.
Making emergency decisions for someone. This reveals both how well you know the person, and how much you care about them -- whether you know what they would want, and act on it even if it differs from your personal preference. Unlike some of the other options, in this one the initial action is often outweighed by the aftermath. Both characters have to deal with the results of the decisions, good or bad.
Deathwatch. Dying can be as intimate as giving birth. Staying with someone while they pass is an act of love; so is providing moral support to someone sitting deathwatch for a family member or other person. Many soldiers and police have done this for someone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hold still.

[It was the quiet moments like this that Krem treasured the most. It wasn't as though Bull didn't trust the other Chargers - but with something like this, something both so intimate and so personal, he trusted Krem above all else. After all, how many men would trust another with a razor at their throat? Shaving was a feat Bull could do himself but his second always offered a helping hand.

Some might have found it odd - but for them, it was just fine.

Krem lathered on more of the thick cream of Iron Bull' face, tilting the man's chin a little, making sure he covered everything he needed. He gave a small hum, lifting the brush again to dab a few more spots, the locations of the off-white mixture obvious against Bull's silver-toned skin.]

Almost got one side done, Chief. Really not sure how you Qunari grow hair - but I'm sure a full beard would be downright unruly if you let it go. Someone might mistake you for a bear.

[Krem took a straight blade and held it to Bull's cheek, slowly scraping downwards, cutting the hair as close to the main's skin as possible.]

I am holding still.

[ Although speaking probably is the worst thing he could do while someone's holding a razor to his face. With Krem, however, Bull is fairly certain he could make any sort of sudden movement and the blade wouldn't even touch him. Krem is good like that. How Krem is so good at this is the real question, though Bull's never actually asked. ]

You'd be surprised. I could grow one that would put a dwarf to shame.

[ Bull lets out a quiet sigh at the feeling of the razor moving down his skin. He's probably the furthest thing from a primadonna out there but he'll be damned if he doesn't enjoy a good shave. ]

[Krem cleaned the blade, wiping off the excess cream before returning to Bull's face, pausing a moment to tilt his chin again. He could talk all he wanted - Krem's hands were steady. It just meant this was going to take a lot longer.

Though, time like this wasn't something the mercenary would ever turn down. He'd never say that out loud but he liked to believe he didn't have to.]

I'd believe it. Does it only grow here on your face? I don't think I've ever seen any on your head. Suppose the horns get in the way, don't they?

[He paused in his actions, reaching up to rap his knuckles against one of Bull's wide horns, giving a short laugh through his nose.]

I could probably still get a close shave up there if I had to.

[And that blade returned to Bull's cheek, scraping down further. He knew the length Bull liked to keep his facial hair at - just enough on his jaw and around his mouth to look good. Krem had a decent eye for that after so many years at Bull's side.]

[ If anything, Bull doesn't mind that talking slows things down. Quiet movements are few and far between, so he may as well make them last. Besides, he doesn't have anything important to do today. ]

Well, I don't grow any on my head.

[ He smirks and lets out a low laugh, touching the side of his face that Krem's already finished. ]

You know, if you weren't a damn good merc, I'd say you had a promising career as a barber ahead of you.

Me as a barber - imagine that. Before long, every oaf in Skyhold is going to be lining up for a shave. It's bad enough a few of them know I can quickly mend a pair of trousers. If word spreads, I'll have to set up shop, leave the Chargers and just be a respectable businessman. Cremisius' Shaves and Stitches, start using the hair I shave off the templars to stitch up the mages' robes.

[Krem as a businessman - that'd be the day. He was happier as a mercenary, happier with the Chargers than he'd ever been back in his homeland.]

Then you'd need to find someone else to do this - don't think you'd trust Grim this close to your good eye.

[He cleaned the blade again and continued, scraping down to just above Bull's jaw. He lifted the blade and carefully started thinning out the hair that was still there.]

I'm sure it would get boring after a while, beard after beard for the rest of your life. You've got a much better set up with the Chargers.

[ Bull laughs again, sinking back further in his seat. There isn't another soul in Thedas he'd let get this close to his face with a razor. Especially Grim. ]

I'd rather you hang around anyway; and not just because you're the only one I trust for a shave.

Appreciate me for more than just a good sword arm and a clean shave?

[It was Krem's turn to laugh, lowering the blade and bringing up a damp towel to wipe down one side of Bull's face, clearing off the remains of the cream there.]

Sounds like you're getting soft on me. Do I make your heart flutter too?

[It was a playful jab, one that he punctuated with a light shove against Bull's shoulder.]

Other side now. Let's even this out. Are you going to keep the patch on?

[ Bull rolls his eyes, waving Krem's hand away and taking the towel for himself. With a bit of pretend indignance he wipes at the side of his face before tossing it back at Krem. ]

Give me a break.

[ See if he ever appreciates you again! ]

Let's keep it, it's always been a fan favorite.

[The pretend indignance and throwing the towel back at him was all the appreciation that Krem needed. That act alone, followed by Bull's words, made him proud. They could give each other a hard time like this, jab at one and other, harass and harp - but they did it all affectionately. The bind they had was strong, a few words couldn't tear it apart.

The way they tormented one and other only brought them closer.]

Not that patch. [He said with a sigh and shake of his head, bringing the blade to tap against Bull's chin and the hair under his lip.]

This patch. [And he knocked the side of the blade against the eye patch that Bull wore, covering his missing eye.]

The bottom strap's going to be a pain to shave around.

Oh, right.

[ Of course the sanctity of his chin patch was never in question.

Bull exhales loudly, nostrils flaring. Even with Krem he still doesn't really like fussing around with his eyepatch. ]

You sure you can't just shave around it?

[Despite the way they'd been joking around just moments ago, the tone now turned a bit more sombre. Krem had been there when Bull lost that eye. He was the reason he lost that eye.]

I can try.

[He reached out, lightly touching that eye patch with a hand, brushing his fingers across it.]

Might take me a bit longer though. Got some time to sit still, Chief?

Take all the time you need.

[ Bull's loathe to be seen as sensitive about anything, but, well, at least around Krem he knows he won't be judged for it. He sits more still than usual, falling quiet. It's not like this has never come up before, and in a way, it pisses him off that it bothers him at all. ]

[Krem could never judge Bull over that eye, or the scars that were left behind. He set down the blade and grabbed the brush and shaving cream, lathering up the side of Bull's face again, taking care not to cover the lower strap of his eyepatch. It was a little difficult, some of the cream covering it and Krem having to stop to wipe it away, not wanting that leather strip to get in the way when he had a sharpened blade.]

We'll see if that works...

[There was some hair growing beneath where the leather fell - but he could try and deal with it later, see if he could angle the blade under there. He picked up the razor again and started slowly, starting closer to Bull's mouth. He held the opposite side of his friend's face with one hand, scraping away stubble with the edge of the blade, shaping the man's goatee a little better, getting it even with the other side. Fiddly details like that first, something for him to focus on.

Focus was good, especially when now he was thinking about what led up to Bull losing that eye.]

[ He sits a bit more stiffly now, though he couldn't explain why if you asked. It's not that he's worried Krem will slice the strap off, or even that Krem working around it makes him nervous. Still, he appreciates the extra effort Krem is putting in, even if it's making the task needlessly difficult. ]

Thanks, Krem.

I told you to hold still.

[It didn't break Krem's concentration, careful with every scrape of that blade. He cleaned it after each movement, making certain he wouldn't have to go over any areas again. He worked with precision and care, now against Bull's cheek and edging closer to that strap.

As he wiped the blade again, he allowed the corners of his mouth to turn up into a bit of a smile.]

...But you're welcome, Bull.

[But he'd better hold still. He took the brush and cream again, reaching across Bull's face to lift that strap up with his free hand. He managed to smear some of the cream across the hair there, trying to lather it up without causing a mess against the leather. He bit his lip lightly, taking the blade again and gingerly scraping at the hair, breathing in through hose nose as he took that care. It took him about a minute - but he got it.

He set down that knife and took the towel again, wiping Bull's cheek and cleaning it up.]

Just a little more around your jaw and we'll be done.

[ Bull watches Krem as he works, remaining silent and still as he manuevers around the strap of his eye patch. When the business is done, Bull lets out a small, scarecely noticable sigh of relief.

He sits up momentarily, leaning forward to inspect himself in the nearby mirror. Handsome devil. ]

You do good work.

[With the job almost done and Bull's own smile, Krem returns that grin. He leans in and with a quick flick of that blade, scraped off the remaining bit of hair and lather on Bull's cheek.]

Always do.

[Said with an air of pride, tossing the towel at Bull to clean the rest of his face up.]

[ He catches the towel and wipes at the rest of his face, taking another moment to admire Krem's handiwork. When he's finished with his brief moment of preening, he looks up at the man with a grin. ]

I feel like I should pay you for this.

[He scoffed a little at that, though he kept wearing that smile. It was a little less smug now, a little more genuine.]

You already pay me, Chief. Unless you're getting into the slave trade now.

[Remember who the Vint is here. It was a joke though and he brought a hand up, patting the large Qunari on the upper arm.]

You don't owe me anything. Never will.

Paying you more, then.

[ Bull laughs at Krem's joke and sets the mirror down, grinning up at him. ]

Now who's going soft? Are you finally ready to admit that the Iron Bull makes your heart flutter?

You know me so well, Boss. Heart pounds faster, face turns red, I stand here realising all my dreams come true every time you look my direction. Oh, Maker be praised, teacher has finally noticed me.

[It's said dryly, with a roll of his eyes. Krem wasn't wholly interested in riding the bull - however, he did intend to stay at the man's side though, for as long as fate would allow him.]

If you really want to pay me back, make me some that pudding next time we've got rice around.

I knew it. All this time you thought you could hide it from me, but I always know.

[ Krem might be one of the few in Thedas that feel that way. And in some way, Bull appreciates that. Although if Krem were to ever ask... he's sure he would oblige. ]

You've got yourself a deal.

[He laughs a bit, giving Bull another pat on the arm.]

Looking forward to it, Boss. Now, go on back out there. I'm sure there's some pretty bar maids wondering where you've gotten.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Non-sexual Intimacy

2 - hope this is all right!

of course!

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