Dear Bakerstreet, what do I do about this (a) bad romance and/or (b) rad bromance?

[squarepants]

Ask A Question; Get An Answer.

STEP ONE: Post here with a question your character wants answered. Maybe they need advice on their love life? Maybe they just want a good no-bake pie crust? Maybe they want to know how best to order a hit on their ex?

STEP TWO: Respond to other people.

STEP THREE: ???

STEP FOUR: Profit.

Comments

Owain | Fire Emblem: Awakening

[twitchery]

What should I name this spear? I was thinking something fearsome and important like the Skypiercing Stormclaw but the Variform Soulbreaker sounds better. But then people would expect it to change form if I go with that.

[nolongerhollow]

...what does the spear actually do?

[twitchery]

It...uh...it...pokes things? [Wow, now he feels like he hasn't done enough.] It's a gift for a friend. Do you think I should get a spear that's, you know, cursed by some powers beyond mortal ken, a spear that can rend the heavens asunder with its might, or do you think a normal spear's good enough?

[nolongerhollow]

Believe me when I say that when a soldier goes on the battlefield he is concerned with some very specific things. If you could truly create any sort of spear, it would best be one that is light enough to be marched with all day, able to pierce any armor or protective enchantment, unbreakable, and always sharp. So...something of a compromise. Not tremendous destructive power, but magic enhancing its practical abilities.

[twitchery]

...you're right. A spear that could spew lightning would be pretty awesome, but...hm. Maybe I could ask my mom to fly overhead and provide the lightning and dramatic effects while my friend poses with the spear in battle.

[nolongerhollow]

If you're concerned about making him look scary, why not have the spear radiate an aura of fear when it is carried into battle? That way your mom doesn't have to follow him around being his effects team.

[twitchery]

Her and I think probably because she wants to be seen as more of a pure heroine of justice with harps and bells and dramatic entrances - she gave her own father a dramatic entrance involving petals from above - so she wouldn't like it if it was straight up fear, unless there's some way of making it so that it only causes fear to the evil and vile.

[nolongerhollow]

Aha! I see. Perhaps then the lady's spear should shine with a holy light in the presence of enemies, as the ancient Elven weapons do.

...damn, now I want to go weapons shopping.

[twitchery]

...elven weapons? [Never heard of them, bro, but his curiosity is piqued. He's like a small puppy that just perked up at the sight of a stick or the opportunity for a new line of super cool weapons.]

[onecream_fivesugar]

The Piercing Poker?

[twitchery]

Hmm...there is potential that lies within the agnomen that you have conjured, oh titler, but...do you think it strikes fear into the hearts of evildoers?

[onecream_fivesugar]

The what...? ...Oh the name, right!

[Ruby'll think on that for a moment.]

No, I guess it wouldn't really strike fear into anyone now that you mention it.

Hmmmmmm. How about Stabscalibur The Blood Thirsty Thruster?

[twitchery]

[This is a slightly awed silence. Just. That name is a thing of beauty. No, seriously, it is a glorious thing and it deserves a tag moment to merely bask in it whilst one can imagine some kind of holy music playing in the background. Like...the Hymn of the Fayth? Instead of getting Bahamut, though, you get Stabscalibur.]

I am honored, oh titler.

[onecream_fivesugar]

[And she'll just smile.]

It was nothing, really.

[twitchery]

[Okay, moment of awe over.]

So tell me, o' coiner of holy appellations, should I gift wrap this? I mean, I could just give it, but it seems kinda...er, kind of a letdown to go, "Behold! Stabscalibur The Blood Thirsty Thruster, the sacred weapon of the gods." And just give it.

[onecream_fivesugar]

Gift wrapping it would be neat. I mean who doesn't love a legendary weapon given to them with a cute card as a present?

[She'll pause for a moment and think.]

Why don't you tell me a little about the person it's for and we'll find the best way to give it to them?

[twitchery]

Well...she's kind of a heroine of justice type. You know, she enjoys dynamic entrances, fighting evil, and big speeches. She once gave her father a dramatic entrance with the help of her mother. It involved petals. [Although...] It didn't go too well.

I thought about maybe hiding it in the woods somewhere and having a set of riddles and clues pointing the way, but what if she got ambushed while she was looking for it?

Re: Owain | Fire Emblem: Awakening

[forgotten_vows]

. . . Skypiercing Soulbreaker.

[twitchery]

Aha! I see what you did there, oh conjurer of appellations but that does flow. You think I should try to slip in an interrobang or is it good as is?

[forgotten_vows]

[Chuckles -- then looks confused.]

I'm glad you like the compromise option -- but what's an interrobang?

[twitchery]

It's kind of a...

[He draws it in the ground or wherever. ‽]

I got the idea from some dead guys in a crypt.

[forgotten_vows]

[Victor peers curiously at it.]

So an exclamation point and a question mark fused together? Hmm. Was such a thing part of their weapons' names?

[twitchery]

Yeah! I saw a few diphthongs and an obelus too. It made me feel like I needed to come up with better and cooler names, especially if this is to be the sacred partner for someone in battle, their only protection against the growing dark.

[forgotten_vows]

Goodness.

[He can't help a little smile at the man's manner -- such language! He should write adventure stories.]

Well, I don't know too much about naming weapons. . .but I wouldn't think you'd want a name that's too complicated. And the 'interrobang' makes me think that it would make the name sound like an angry question. Is that really what one wants when announcing their spear?

[twitchery]

Maybe. It's important to have the right name, you know. A spear's just a spear, but a spear with a name is an ally. A partner in battle! But...hm. I guess it could be shorter and easier to shout? Especially since I gotta carve whatever I decide on into it so if it's too long I might run out of room on the shaft.