why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?

[ineffabilities]

texts from last night

You know the drill.

Comments

Koleti | original character

[crionicsaturniid]

a.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.

b.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.

c.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.

d.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying

c

[speaking_in_tongues]

How rude! Slander is love.

Re: c

[crionicsaturniid]

i don't think he thought so
he's pretty angry
i think he tried setting your coat on fire

[speaking_in_tongues]

Fuck! Leave my coat out of it!

No innocent victims!

[crionicsaturniid]

now he's talking about something to do with fake leather
he's saying your coat is shotty
oh hum
he meant shitty
i think he's still drunk

[speaking_in_tongues]

If you get my coat killed I'm going to take horrible revenge. You'll wake up puking spiders. And then the horror will start.

[crionicsaturniid]

w
what
what did i do
i'm sorry

[speaking_in_tongues]

My coat is getting it. This is all your fault.

[crionicsaturniid]

but
he's the one that's angry
i didn't do anything
you can just get your coat back

[speaking_in_tongues]

I'll hold you to that!

More importantly, who told him that I'd said his penis looks like a Muppet Show reject?

[crionicsaturniid]

to what

i dunno
i think he heard you


i dont hear him yelling anymore
no wait there he is
hes mumbling something about a lost shoe and i think hes crying

[speaking_in_tongues]

What are you doing texting me? Take pictures!

I'll pay you in porn and small change.

[crionicsaturniid]

what no i can't do that, he'll be mad at me
and i don't want it

i don't know why he's crying about his shoe but he needs to go to sleep

[speaking_in_tongues]

Are you crazy?

That shit's prime blackmail material! How could you not want it? But never fear, I'll make an entrepreneur out of you yet!

Knock him out.

[crionicsaturniid]

im not going to embarrass or hurt my own brother
stop that

[speaking_in_tongues]

Where's your sense of adventure?

[crionicsaturniid]

kris says i wasn't born with one
leave me alone

[speaking_in_tongues]

Sorry, can't. There's nothing in it for me.

[crionicsaturniid]

i'm not gonna prank him

[speaking_in_tongues]

You're breaking my heart.

[crionicsaturniid]

i'm sorry but i can't do that


i think he fell asleep on the floor...

[speaking_in_tongues]

So? All the better to take humiliating pictures.

You're boring.

[crionicsaturniid]

stop it
i dont care if im boring im not gonna pick on my brother

hes starting to wake up again and hes staring at me

[speaking_in_tongues]

Tell him I said hi

[crionicsaturniid]

i did and he tried to kick my cellphone out of my hand
then he rolled over and hes grumbling something into the carpet