icanhearscreams: (blood on my face and hands)
Jun Ushiro ([personal profile] icanhearscreams) wrote in [community profile] bakerstreet2013-03-17 10:42 pm



What's that traumatic event that you always try to shove away to the dark recesses of your mind? What about a horrible, embarrassing story that you can't even try to get over, because you don't want to relive it?

The more you try to run away from that memory, those feelings, the more vivid they are as they're given to others. That memory you tried to run away from? Now your mom, best friend and a few dozen strangers are living through it as if they were you, experiencing every twist of emotion--panic, sadness, anger--you did at that same moment, like it was really happening to them.

What're you going to do? Accept their reaction--empathy, pity, sorrow--or reject it, and keep running away?

1. Post with your character! Blank comments are allowed. (Alternatively, you can have one memory for everyone to reply to and stick it in your first comment; replies to that comment obviously kick off reactions.)
2. Reply to someone else--blank comments also allowed, here, if only for you to...
3. Reply to that character with an event in your character's life that impacted on them. It can be serious to fairly light-hearted, but it should be something they can't really let go of, or have trouble revisiting.
4. Play reactions and heart-to-hearts or battle scenes or whatever becomes of that out.
5. ???
6. That's all, folks!
tryingitall: (looking down)

Balthazar/Supernatural/tl;dr warning

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-18 04:42 pm (UTC)(link)
"Cas, Cas, Cas! So good of you to come." The clearing is a picture of pristine beauty around them. Old growth trees dot the land around a soft-running stream. He can hear birds chirping above him. A pine siskin. A stellar's jay. A sparrow.

"Balthazar." Castiel acknowledges him quietly, approaching up the path. "Why'd you summon me here?"

He's not sure if Cas means 'why this place' or 'why did you summon me'. Certainly he could have sought out the other angel, rather than calling. But he's in no hurry to see him with Crowley. "Can I ask you a direct question?"

"Of course." There's minimal concern in that response. Castiel is too distracted by other things to worry about Balthazar slipping through his fingers. Or maybe he just takes his brother's loyalty for granted.

"Are you in flagrante with the King of Hades?" There. Make it sound like a joke. It's less confrontational, less judgmental that way. But they're angels, after all. Angels allying with demons against other angels? No good can come of it.

There's a pause of a couple seconds, and he can feel the tension creeping over his brother. "Of course not." Castiel's jaw is set. He meets Balthazar's eyes, but he looks like he'd prefer not to.

Balthazar chuckles softly while his heart breaks. "You always were such a terrible liar." At least with words. Castiel can't lie well verbally. But he's skilled at deceit with actions alone.

Balthazar steels himself. This conversation is about to go downhill fast. "So it's true. All right, then. Why?"

"It's a means to an end." Is Cas making excuses to his brother now, or to himself? "Balthazar, you understand that." A subtle plea. Truly, out of all the Host, Balthazar is the most likely to sympathize. And he wants to.

"Oh, absolutely," he offers a breezy reassurance, one he's not sure he feels. "But what's the end here, exactly? Raid Purgatory? Snatch up all the souls?"

"Win the war." Now Castiel begins to sound frustrated. Angry. He doesn't understand, and for the first time, with a sinking sensation, it occurs to Balthazar to wonder what happened to Rachel, really. She was as smitten with Cas as any angel. Committed. He's supposed to believe she turned traitor, in light of this?

No. No way. "And I can only assume you'd be the vessel, correct? Suck up all those souls into yourself." It seems like a plan born from a depth of rage and desperation he didn't know Cas was capable of. "All that power."

"It's the only way." Is this an argument? Are they arguing?

The stakes are high. Balthazar can't hear the birds singing anymore. The sunlight's gone cold. "Or too much juice for you. In which case, you explode, taking a substantial chunk of the planet along with you."

"That won't happen." Castiel sounds so convinced. So sure this is a good idea, the only idea.

Did Crowley convince him of that? Or is he just starting to believe his own hype? Castiel, the Father's new chosen one, an angelic Moses sent to free his people from slavery to the idea of destiny.

"Sure, sure. Of course." Seeking to defuse the tension, Balthazar holds up both hands, showing no weapons. No sword drawn. He'll never draw his sword against Castiel. "Just...tell me that it's entirely risk-free."

Cas can't tell him that. Not with real conviction. Balthazar wouldn't believe him if he did.

His brother crosses the open ground to draw close, invading Balthazar's personal space in a way that he would normally welcome. Embrace. But Castiel's jaw is tense and his eyes are blue ice. Energy thrums through his Grace. He's a snake, prepared to strike like lightning. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I need to know. Are you with me? Or not."

You're not sorry, Cas. Balthazar will have to be sorry for both of them. Sorry that they've reached the point where one wrong word from him will mean the business end of Castiel's angelic blade. He never had any hope for this war. No matter which way it ends, they lose. They all lose. The Host is broken, dying, bewildered. Balthazar thought he could hold onto Castiel for just a while. One brother is so little to ask.

No. No comfort for the Fallen. He breaks into an empty smile, looks at the ground, and laughs gently.
livingdoll: (shroud)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-19 03:37 am (UTC)(link)
He doesn't know how to process all of this. The feelings that wash over him as the scene before him progresses. How is he seeing all of this? Ryota doesn't know, and he's not sure he wants to find out. The longer it goes on, the more his senses are assailed by emotions not his own. It's a bitter, almost heavy taste upon his tongue.

He's not sure what to do, in any case. Trying to ignore the feed of emotions to his senses, he starts to look around, but he's hesitant to try to directly interfere with the memory. Is the memory just that, or are the occupants conscious?

He's pretty sure it's a memory. Dreams don't feel this way - not to him, anyway. They don't feel like they're trying to drag him into the abyss. They don't make him remember his dead master in this way.

Balthazar is losing, or has lost, someone dear - brothers? - he can feel that in the depths of his heart. Losing, lost, gone, empty.

Vexing - but that emotion is Ryota's alone, or is it?

"You're both complete morons!!" Ryota doesn't remember having raised his voice - and tone - like this before, but the surge of emotions that feel like his but aren't, urge him not to bottle them up. "Would it kill you both to be blunt with each other?!" He's aware of the potential irony of him saying that kind of thing, as during some situations, he prefers not to be blunt. But this... this seems like it shouldn't be a time to dance around things, to avoid them. He isn't fully aware of the situation, but that's the conclusion he's come to.
tryingitall: (ohno)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-19 03:51 am (UTC)(link)
As if he's broken a spell, Ryota's shout makes the entire scene ripple and swim before his eyes. Balthazar looks up, wide eyed with surprise, and the other angel, a figment of memory only, vanishes.

The glade is no longer sunny now. It's gone silvery-soft with dusk, and Balthazar's golden hair stands out like a candle-flame. He stares at Ryota a long moment, like he's not sure who he is, where he comes from, even what language he's speaking. At last, though, gently, he says, "Yes. Yes, it could have killed us both to be blunt. In the end, though, I died anyway."
livingdoll: (shroud)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-19 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
Ryota wasn't really paying attention to what language he'd used - it could have been Japanese or English. Either way, the gentle response is a splash of water to the face. His expression changes from irritation to shock, and then...

"You..." His tone is disbelieving. "..But... you're an angel. How?!" Imploring, he doesn't understand. The word almost catches, but it does become hoarse as it leaves his throat, "Why?"
tryingitall: (golden)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-19 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
It shouldn't matter. Angels are quick with languages. It was more the shock, and the few seconds it took to extract himself from his own sorrow.

There are no birds chirping now, but there are crickets starting up, and the stream is babbling softly. Balthazar takes a step toward Ryota, then flicks his hand. As if it's been hidden in his sleeve, a short, silvery dagger emerges. It's very sharp, but relatively unassuming. Flipping it, he offers it over, handle first. "This is an extension of my Grace. All of us have one. Had one. A blow from it can kill an angel, or a demon. I was stabbed. In the back. By my best friend."
livingdoll: (shroud)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-19 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
Ryota slowly reaches out, grasping the handle and taking it. He feels the handle in his palm, against his skin, but his attention is more at the topic at hand. He holds the dagger tightly.

"Why... did they choose to kill you?" His grip tightens. "You're not a bad person!" Having never been exposed to the concept of treachery before, anger rolls over him, unchecked, followed by anguish. Certainly, Balthazar is here, now, but this new knowledge strikes him like a harsh blow to the gut. He can't fathom why someone would do such a thing. "You're not...!!" He brings his free hand up, using his sleeve to try and dry his eyes before too many tears fall at once.
tryingitall: (CasBal)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-19 05:18 am (UTC)(link)
He reaches to place his hands on Ryota's upper arms, holding gently. "He thought he knew the way to save the world. I disagreed. I thought...he was probably just going to destroy himself. So I tried to stop him. I went behind his back, and he got very angry."

There's a quiver in his voice, but he's much calmer than Ryota. He's thought about this a lot. "And I forgive him. But it'll probably always hurt."
livingdoll: (discomfort)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-19 05:35 am (UTC)(link)
Ryota accepts the touch, though it's easy to tell that he's shaking where he stands.

"You guys have really weird behaviors sometimes..." he grumbles between hiccuped breaths. "You were trying to protect each other, right? This is just..."

He's not sure how to finish his train of thought, or what he thinks of the matter. Only that he aches for him, for this pain that he doesn't fully understand.
tryingitall: (compositional)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-19 06:08 am (UTC)(link)
"More or less, I suppose." He rests his forehead against Ryota's hair. "My family...has been troubled for a long time. I left because I thought if I stayed, I would have to watch them all die. I hope you never have to feel like that."
livingdoll: (discomfort)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-19 07:26 am (UTC)(link)
Ryota nudges against him in response, his emotions starting to calm a little. It's tiring, being angry, being sad.

"In some smaller way, I already have. One." He hopes he doesn't need to explain again that it's his first owner that he's talking about.

"I don't remember if I've said this, but when we first met, I'd only grown to that point to different, but still negative, memories, with a dose of happy ones." He closes his eyes with a soft sigh.

He shifts the dagger in his hand to carefully keep it pointed down, with the blade facing behind him.

"While it was only the loss of one person... I can picture what it must be like to worry about the rest of your family meeting the same fate."
tryingitall: (looking down)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-20 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
Loss was never really the problem, though. Aggression, destruction, and murder were. "I expect angels are nearly extinct now, where I come from. The world belongs to humanity. They'll have to hold onto it themselves."

There's a bitter edge to his voice, but it's not directed at Ryota. "I'm sorry for your loss, too," he adds after a moment, more gently.
livingdoll: (discomfort)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-20 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
"Mm." He's not sure how to respond to the sympathy, but he accepts it. He keeps his head pressed against Balthazar's, just enjoying the simple touch.

His voice is low as he continues, "...He was old, and ill. It was... expected. The household and I knew that he would die soon, but didn't know when."
tryingitall: (shadows)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-20 03:33 am (UTC)(link)
"I died, you know. I remember it." He strokes the boy's back absently. "It wasn't bad. Just cold. You'd think it would be dark, too, but it wasn't. It was all light."
livingdoll: (discomfort)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-20 03:42 am (UTC)(link)
Yes, he knows. Balthazar just told him a moment ago and he's still holding that dagger of his. He doesn't know what Balthazar wants him to do with it.

"Light, huh...?" He hadn't really thought of it that way. He'd only hoped that he'd returned to his family - preferably in heaven. He'd ask, but he feels that kind of question - to ask an angel that - would be to step over some kind of invisible line.

And if the answer was "no," then he wouldn't be happy with that.

"It still angers me."
tryingitall: (sorta serious)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-20 03:59 am (UTC)(link)
Belatedly, Balthazar realizes Ryota still has his blade. More than just handing him a weapon that could kill an angel, he's let him hold onto a sliver of his Grace, without fear. That's significant. Now, though, he gently takes it back, and it vanishes into his sleeve, like a sleight-of-hand trick.

"If you knew Castiel, you could forgive him, too, I think." He sighs. "But thank you. For caring."
livingdoll: (notice)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-20 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
Ryota hands it back without a fuss, and he watches the "trick" for a moment. He pulls his head back to look up at him.

"I think there's a difference between being angry and not forgiving someone." He sighs. "You both believed you were doing the right thing, ne? It just... ended badly." Is he making sense? He hopes so.
tryingitall: (ow)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-20 04:30 am (UTC)(link)
He nods pensively. "I suppose so. It was a complicated situation. I'm not sure there was any way out."

He links hands with Ryota gently. "I'll tell you the whole story some day. But not now. I'm tired of thinking about it."
livingdoll: (sheepish)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-20 04:35 am (UTC)(link)
"That's fine." He gives Balthazar's hand a squeeze and smiles gently, fondly, up at him.

"Shall we find our room and settle in, then? Perhaps get something to eat?" He wants to help him take his mind off of it.
tryingitall: (looking down)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-20 05:22 am (UTC)(link)
He nods, eyes crinkling in a smile, but after a moment he pauses. "Ryota...can you still see my wings? Even a little?"

Because it would be so comforting just to have them groomed a bit.
livingdoll: (Default)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-20 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
Ryota smiles. "I don't see why I wouldn't be able to. Would you like me to tend to them?"

At its core, a Hybrid Child unknowingly reflects the needs and desires of the person they're with. Even if he was aware of this right at that moment, he still thinks it's a nice suggestion.
tryingitall: (light blue)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-21 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
He nods, just a little sheepish. "No one except other angels has been able to see them before I came to this place. Having them preened might feel...reassuring."
livingdoll: (Default)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-21 12:07 am (UTC)(link)
Ryota lets out a soft "hm" and smiles back.

"Okay. Show me your back. You'll have to teach me a little so I don't hurt you, but I'll be gentle." And then he'll memorize how to tend to him, while he's at it, of course.
tryingitall: (compositional)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-21 02:27 am (UTC)(link)
"Thanks. They're...quite strong. I doubt you could injure them. But sometimes they're sensitive." He shrugs and pulls off his jacket, then sits, folding his legs under him and turning his back to Ryota.

His wings are barely visible, blurry shapes outlined in threads of light. But Ryota has been able to perceive them before.
livingdoll: (sheepish)

[personal profile] livingdoll 2013-03-21 02:35 am (UTC)(link)
"No problem." Ryota kneels down once Balthazar's back is presented. He can still see them, although he becomes aware that his eyes strain a little. He nudges the reaction aside and sets to help him, feeling them with his hands and following the joints.

"I can't get over how pretty they are." The comment slips out without him meaning to, but he makes no effort to retract the statement. He smiles gently and slowly feels along the body of the wings. Is he looking for feathers...?
tryingitall: (looking down)

[personal profile] tryingitall 2013-03-21 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
If there were a safe way to manifest them fully, for Ryota he would. Alas, he'll have to find his way partly by feel. The feathers are very soft toward the top of the wings, but the primaries are long, with powerful shafts. Balthazar sighs and relaxes under the attention, head bowing forward slightly.

"Are they pretty? Thank you...I'm not sure anyone's ever said that before."

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