toastysocks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2021-01-22 02:13 pm
toastysocks) wrote in bakerstreet2021-01-22 02:13 pm
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1.I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
2.I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
3.Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
4.Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
5.Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
2.I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
3.Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
4.Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
5.Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
1. Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
2. Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
3. If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
4. I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
5. TEXT HIM
2. Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
3. If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
4. I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
5. TEXT HIM
I gotta say - not a text I have ever gotten before.
1. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying he's denying what you're saying.
2. I think it's a bit too on the nose for my uber to be playing Stairway to Heaven while driving like a psychopath...
3. I really don't know how I managed to fuck so much up in an hour and a half.
4. I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
5. [text him; can be compliant to the raven cycle or the dreamer trilogy]
2. I think it's a bit too on the nose for my uber to be playing Stairway to Heaven while driving like a psychopath...
3. I really don't know how I managed to fuck so much up in an hour and a half.
4. I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
5. [text him; can be compliant to the raven cycle or the dreamer trilogy]
Edited 2021-01-22 20:23 (UTC)
1: i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
2: I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
3: I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
4: I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
5: She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
6: [bring your own text]
2: I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
3: I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
4: I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
5: She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
6: [bring your own text]
1. I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early.
2. Just impulse bought a Cinderella pumpkin. Not sure if I want to carve it or eat it but either way you’re helping me.
3. I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover.
4. Text her.
Are you certain we can't just magic something up? Seems less likely to get sticky.
1. Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon.
2.I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
3.All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
2.I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
3.All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
1. Nothing about that sounds appealing but I’m not busy, so... sure. Why not.
2. I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack daniels.
3. Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away.
4. Text him.
1. He’s sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
2. I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it.
3. I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play Stairway to Heaven while driving like a psycho.
4. There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
5. Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
6. Text her!
2. I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it.
3. I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play Stairway to Heaven while driving like a psycho.
4. There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
5. Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
6. Text her!
Edited 2021-01-22 20:24 (UTC)
Does this mean I have to competition to ... get rid of?
1: I look like a herd of wild wampas chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
2: the medic just looked at me like "you again?"
3: He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
4: I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
5: He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
6: [bring your own text]
2: the medic just looked at me like "you again?"
3: He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
4: I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
5: He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
6: [bring your own text]
1. When we're old and lonely and single, let's make a pact to murder each other.
2. Say it with me, "I am a lovely, wholesome, worthy and heavens-fearing coconut."
3. I appreciate you the most out of everyone who hasn't tried to stab me today.
4. The donkey looked me straight in the eye and ate the last dumpling. There's no love in this animal.
2. Say it with me, "I am a lovely, wholesome, worthy and heavens-fearing coconut."
3. I appreciate you the most out of everyone who hasn't tried to stab me today.
4. The donkey looked me straight in the eye and ate the last dumpling. There's no love in this animal.
1. i managed to convince her the egg yolks were orange juice and she fell for it.
2. alright, so i woke up in a daze. not sure of my location.
3. we look longingly at each other A LOT.
4. yes, i am wallowing. there is a significant lack of cookie dough at this school... :(
5. [text him!]
2. alright, so i woke up in a daze. not sure of my location.
3. we look longingly at each other A LOT.
4. yes, i am wallowing. there is a significant lack of cookie dough at this school... :(
5. [text him!]
1. At first I resented it, but now I’m kind of flattered.
2. Hey, nobody ever said I was bright, just cute.
3. There’s probably a moral hidden in all this, but I’m too tired to worry about it.
4. You introduced me “as big as life and twice as sassy”, if you were wondering.
5. ( or text him! ota — cross-canon, assumed cr and misfires. )
Aw, people probably say you're bright.... ly coloured
Rule 63! Nie Huaisang || The Untamed/Novel-verse/Modern AU whatever
niexiaojie
2021-01-22 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
1.I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
2.well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
3.i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
4.Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
2.well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
3.i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
4.Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
1. I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome!
2. I didn't even realize I was holding it until I said "whose baby is this?"
3. Blood and glitter go together right?
4. Text him!
2. I didn't even realize I was holding it until I said "whose baby is this?"
3. Blood and glitter go together right?
4. Text him!
1: Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
2: I just fell down a flight of stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
3: He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
4: dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
5: Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
6: [bring your own text]
2: I just fell down a flight of stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
3: He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
4: dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
5: Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
6: [bring your own text]
Of course. On my way. But if you're bleeding you should probably text someone else, too.
1. whats a lie i you lovn me. let's cuddle
2. okay. i am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. call me.
3. JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
4. dude i'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
5. text him!
2. okay. i am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. call me.
3. JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
4. dude i'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
5. text him!
- 1. your headphones are on the doorknob and i left you a burger on the doorstep
2. please tell me you didn't get arrested. you made no sense in the random pictures you were sending me
3. yes, you're adorable. in a weird way
4. i won't ask you to forgive me. but i'll pay for your emergency room visit
5. ( text him! )
Don't you think it's bad enough I'm famously known as "the Kid" and now I've got you here calling me "adorable"? Bad hand, amigo, bad hand.
1. guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes telling me about how to knife fight
2. i'm experimenting with sincerity :)
3. i almost feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society
4. would it help you get over me if I told you that i had unprotected sex last night
5. [ Text him! ]
2. i'm experimenting with sincerity :)
3. i almost feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society
4. would it help you get over me if I told you that i had unprotected sex last night
5. [ Text him! ]
1. This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
2. On a scale of 1 to everyone dying, I'd say let's aim for 9.
3. Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself for my ability to get along with others.
4. And if you ever tell anyone I have emotions? I'll kill you:)
5. [text him; can be current timeline or high school]
2. On a scale of 1 to everyone dying, I'd say let's aim for 9.
3. Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself for my ability to get along with others.
4. And if you ever tell anyone I have emotions? I'll kill you:)
5. [text him; can be current timeline or high school]
1. It's come to this. I'm instituting a 'no make outs on missions' policy, effective immediately.
2. Think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes.
3. In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
4. Text him.
1. WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
2. people keep drivin by and judgin me for drinking sake outside in m underwear at 9 am, rude.
3. so naked ping pong was a mistake... looks like we were attacked by an octopus
4. thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
5. i think im dead. why did i thin it ws a god idea to hang from tha banster while som1 pored licor in my mouth
6. text him!
2. people keep drivin by and judgin me for drinking sake outside in m underwear at 9 am, rude.
3. so naked ping pong was a mistake... looks like we were attacked by an octopus
4. thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
5. i think im dead. why did i thin it ws a god idea to hang from tha banster while som1 pored licor in my mouth
6. text him!
I would argue that you are the rude one in that situation.
1.Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
2.I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
3. They managed to convince me that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and I fell for it.
2.I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
3. They managed to convince me that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and I fell for it.
gege you can't just trust whoever gives you tacos...
1: I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
2: We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
3: He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
4: literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
5: So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
6: [bring your own text]
2: We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
3: He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
4: literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
5: So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
6: [bring your own text]
1. I hope you're alright. You tried to tip the paramedic last night for finding you.
2. I need your help. I may or may not have misplaced a jet.
3. I won a box of cat food from the lottery. Wanna come feed some strays?
4. How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
5. I woke up to 75 texts from him all saying "do you love me?"
2. I need your help. I may or may not have misplaced a jet.
3. I won a box of cat food from the lottery. Wanna come feed some strays?
4. How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
5. I woke up to 75 texts from him all saying "do you love me?"
1. They're trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop them or just sit back and watch where this goes.
2. Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her SO up so dirty that they fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
3. I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
4. Those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my dick. They're coming over later
5. I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number.
6. I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving them their sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship.
Is this an invitation or your usual bragging? I can never tell.
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