see_the_stars: (giggles)

rey || tfa ||

[personal profile] see_the_stars 2017-02-17 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)
1: I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.

2: He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered

3: It's the kind of dick you travel across the galaxy for

4: I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.

5: I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.

6: [bring your own text]
damnedsel: (Default)

1

[personal profile] damnedsel 2017-02-17 04:46 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm never dead, only in temporary rest and recovery mode. Worrying about my tits then is only natural. You should try it sometime. Makes for long nights and multiple orgasm

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Sure thing.

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trustinthedevil: (054)

Matt Murdock || MCU

[personal profile] trustinthedevil 2017-02-17 04:38 pm (UTC)(link)
((available as 616))

001. There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.

002. Oh God now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what he looked like.

003. I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.

004. So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?

005. Text him!

mouthymercwade: (Default)

001

[personal profile] mouthymercwade 2017-02-17 05:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Well I did say the place was gonna be a mess....fighting makes me hungry, what can I say!?

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dominus: (Default)

Ezio Auditore | Assassin's Creed

[personal profile] dominus 2017-02-17 04:39 pm (UTC)(link)
1. You know me. I'm harder to kill than that

2. It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes

3. I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this

4. I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right

5. Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and then humped me
Edited 2017-02-17 16:54 (UTC)

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preciousblueberry: (❧ somber)

kurt wagner [nightcrawler] ❧ x-men: apocalypse ❧ ota for gen/misfires; m/m for ships

[personal profile] preciousblueberry 2017-02-17 04:40 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus.

2. He body-slammed me to the floor and started humping me.

3. I'd love you more if you were covered in cheetos.

4. So, I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk right next to your car.

5. [text him!]
boogiedown: (zero chill)

3

[personal profile] boogiedown 2017-02-17 04:48 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't think the Cheetos are going to stick though! (T_T)

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yes! Sorry about that

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that's okay!!

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prepforwar: (4)

Frances Castle | Daredevil/MCU 63!AU | ota

[personal profile] prepforwar 2017-02-17 04:40 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I woke up this morning and I couldn't find any of my pants. wtf?

2. I'm getting coffee to go get coffee.

3. I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.

4. Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am.

5. Text her!
geniusdorkhero: (What the?)

1?

[personal profile] geniusdorkhero 2017-02-17 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
You don't remember collapsing into your closet with all that blood going everywhere?

Had to wash like... everything.

Got it all folded in the front room, but after last night, I didn't ant to wake you to bring it in there.

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banditings: (pic#10961711)

Emori | The 100

[personal profile] banditings 2017-02-17 04:46 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.

2. great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.

3. We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg

4. I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
timetrek: (Default)

Lucy Preston | Timeless | OTA

[personal profile] timetrek 2017-02-17 04:47 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?

2. New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.

3. ...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.

4. text her! misfires super welcome!
shelbycobra: (Default)

3

[personal profile] shelbycobra 2017-02-17 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
You should totally be proud of that. That's awesome.

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/ Y E L L S

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I did the same.

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:D

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lordherald: (12)

Inquisitor Trevelyan | Dragon Age: Inquisition | ota

[personal profile] lordherald 2017-02-17 04:47 pm (UTC)(link)
1. ONWARD TO TAVERN MY MINIONS

2. I sentence you to a night in my chambers. Go go go.

3. Why is Iron Bull's underwear on my bed?

4. So I shouldn't make my decisions based on which adviser is hotter that day?

5. Text him!
publicmenace: (chuckle)

4

[personal profile] publicmenace 2017-02-17 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
This sounds like a perfectly sound method to me. But however will you pick?

3

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agentsass: (Boasting)

Agent Terex | Star Wars

[personal profile] agentsass 2017-02-17 04:48 pm (UTC)(link)
I. If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.

II. Don't worry, I'm not mad. I'm furious. And about to set your ass on fire.

III. If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours

IV. I need a guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
gotyourselfapilot: (pic#10136694)

IV

[personal profile] gotyourselfapilot 2017-02-18 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
30 minutes with you seems too long. This act of petty vengeance better be worth it. What exactly are you trying to achieve?

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lutzjump: (pic#11029597)

yuuri katsuki — yuri!! on ice

[personal profile] lutzjump 2017-02-17 04:50 pm (UTC)(link)
1) ...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.

2) It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
stayclosetome: (pic#10852842)

1

[personal profile] stayclosetome 2017-02-17 04:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Still have training in one hour, though.

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loihtija: (pic#11052858)

Grey | OC | OTA

[personal profile] loihtija 2017-02-17 04:50 pm (UTC)(link)
1. done.jpg

2. Stop calling me.

3. No.

4. Wild card?
scrosciare: (emily-blunt-edge-tomorrow-2746021)

1

[personal profile] scrosciare 2017-02-17 05:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Explain to me how smashing its head in with a shovel is more dramatic.

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mucked: (☂ the only girl)

peggy carter » mcu

[personal profile] mucked 2017-02-17 04:51 pm (UTC)(link)
001: This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory G&Ts after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
002: There's still flour in my hair -- and I don't what to think about what the neighbors must suspect about what happened outside our building.
003: You know, I never before realized how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on a Tuesday. Cheers for that.
004: -- But apparently I got kicked in the head by an exotic dancer at some point.
jurisdevil: (15)

002

[personal profile] jurisdevil 2017-02-17 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
It was a busy night, wasn't it?

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scarlethour: (Default)

Wanda Maximoff | MCU

[personal profile] scarlethour 2017-02-17 04:51 pm (UTC)(link)
1. You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
2. I can not believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for excuse to go home
3. Just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day" what did I do to deserve this
4. Remember how I have such good luck that it is almost bullshit
5. Tony just looked at me and said 'You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?' WTF has happened to me
6. [text her!]
thatwasodd: <lj user="sways"> (pic#10317418)

2

[personal profile] thatwasodd 2017-02-17 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Not recommended. Can you not simply make an excuse to leave if you need to?

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:D

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=D

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<3

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of course not!!

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blowoffs: (pic#10783450)

Prokopenko (63) ( The Raven Cycle )

[personal profile] blowoffs 2017-02-17 04:53 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm

2. At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys

3. My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.

4. its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
pottersluck: (Unsure)

1

[personal profile] pottersluck 2017-02-17 05:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Wise choice.

Who the heck wouldn't want to go to a kangaroo farm?

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jakkuorphan: (fkn hilarious)

Rey | A Star War | ota

[personal profile] jakkuorphan 2017-02-17 04:53 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
2. Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
3. I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but I don't know if that was dream or not...
4. You put THAT much Corellian whiskey in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
5. If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
6. [text her!]

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rageblackouts: (surprise ♥ great hair)

Summer Roberts | The OC | ota

[personal profile] rageblackouts 2017-02-17 04:54 pm (UTC)(link)
a. sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?

b. Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen

c. ...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
geniusdorkhero: (Curious)

a

[personal profile] geniusdorkhero 2017-02-17 05:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Got shot. Bled a little.

Otherwise cool.

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bindsthedead: (Collapsed)

Sabriel | Old Kingdom Chronicles | OTA/open to crosscanon stuff/misfires

[personal profile] bindsthedead 2017-02-17 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.

2. don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.

3. I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.

4. Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him

5. (Or text her!)

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rehashing: (✎ student)

elena gilbert . the vampire diaries

[personal profile] rehashing 2017-02-17 04:57 pm (UTC)(link)
1. At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties? I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
2. New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
3. ...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Edited 2017-02-17 16:58 (UTC)
negotiates: (kill list? eh probably no one)

3

[personal profile] negotiates 2017-02-17 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I take it you had a late night.

[He's guessing this is a misfire...]

got it

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dedikated: (121 | ᴛᴜʀɴ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴛᴏ ᴠᴇʀʙs)

kate galloway ( original )

[personal profile] dedikated 2017-02-17 04:58 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Coming over as long as I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it.
2. Don't thank me, just stop putting your dick in foreign objects.
3. Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked.
4. Wonder how many times in my life I'll have to be a cockblock at the clinic.
5. [ choose your own adventure! ]

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lmfao glorious

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heavyweighsthe: (035)

noctis | ffxv

[personal profile] heavyweighsthe 2017-02-17 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)
i. Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
ii. He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
iii.Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
iv. You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
v. Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
photowark: (pic#11028619)

iii.

[personal profile] photowark 2017-02-17 05:05 pm (UTC)(link)
dude. fellatio's the word you're having trouble with??? yet you don't bat an eye at soliloquizing?

what is wrong with you????? other than being a massive nerd.

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nohrenmity: (✄ tailored)

Oboro | Fire Emblem: Fates

[personal profile] nohrenmity 2017-02-17 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)
1: I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.

2: Can you repeat that, but with context?

3: I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
questionablewit: (raised eyebrow)

3 as a misfire just because I love Oboro.

[personal profile] questionablewit 2017-02-17 10:02 pm (UTC)(link)
This has come to the wrong number. Too bad, that's a good threat. Why felting needles and not, say, knitting needles?

excellent

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1 because 3 sounds too canon

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robotarmy: (Default)

wrench | watch dogs | ota

[personal profile] robotarmy 2017-02-17 05:03 pm (UTC)(link)
1. that's what i'm here for. i'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences

2. don't tell me i can do whatever makes me happy while also saying i have to put on pants

3. i saw a penis covered in glitter tonight

4. i guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well

5. that's a gentle way of saying i passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to TJ

6. that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi

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bruisewort: (Default)

daisy baker ( kingsman )

[personal profile] bruisewort 2017-02-17 05:06 pm (UTC)(link)
a. hey 'thunder cock' as proud as i am for u gettin laid could u put a muzzle on her?? i have to be up at 5 tnx.
b. we shud prob just go check in at the police station rite now
c. i need a nap, harry potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work
d. dont sleep yet i need ur mexican roots can u come make me guacamole pls???
geniusdorkhero: (Smirk 2)

c

[personal profile] geniusdorkhero 2017-02-17 05:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Sounds like a busy day.

All the Harry Potter movies?

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redhairedknight: (pummeled but proud)

Erza Scarlet | Fairy Tail

[personal profile] redhairedknight 2017-02-17 05:07 pm (UTC)(link)
1. He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?

2. I think you made your point. Now get off the roof.

3. I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.

4. How the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?!

5. Apparently I saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "I love it so much".

6. Text her!


[Or, if/when the post reaches its limit, start or continue threads here.]
Edited 2017-02-17 17:07 (UTC)
bravejemma: (biiiitch)

Jemma Simmons // Agents of SHIELD

[personal profile] bravejemma 2017-02-17 05:08 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am

2. Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.

3. New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.

4. I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day

5. Text her

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