jawdrops: (Default)

jess ☠ until dawn

[personal profile] jawdrops 2016-06-17 06:27 pm (UTC)(link)
001. "What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention"

002. "Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be 'here's how to drink everclear'"

003. "Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have.."

004. "It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this."
jocky: (007)

3

[personal profile] jocky 2016-06-17 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)
i think my barber would kick my ass, jess

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andreios: (Default)

sam anders ( battlestar galactica )

[personal profile] andreios 2016-06-17 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)
1. My concern for you and the peanut butter is the reason I'm still awake.

2. We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for two years.

3. Thanks for the lesson on dirty dancing.
aploun: (03)

one

[personal profile] aploun 2016-06-17 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)
What's that supposed to mean?

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sensitively: (pic#10256950)

rey | star wars: the force awakens

[personal profile] sensitively 2016-06-17 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)
i. Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.

ii. this guy just asked me if i'd be interested in a threesome... i'm considering bc i would get to hang out with his cat afterwards.

iii. Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.

iv. I don't want to be drunk any more. can you hit the off switch?

v.
text her!
generalginger: credit: <user name=lylith-st> (033)

ii

[personal profile] generalginger 2016-06-17 06:49 pm (UTC)(link)
These tend to work better when you don't misfire a text.
I would hope that you'd agree to that arrangement for more reason than Millicent; it defeats the purpose otherwise.

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/clappy hands :3

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callmeaschemer: (Default)

Mal | Descendants

[personal profile] callmeaschemer 2016-06-17 06:29 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me

2. LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE

3. I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.

4. Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Edited 2016-06-17 18:31 (UTC)
cursedtosleep: (Oh and what is that?)

2.

[personal profile] cursedtosleep 2016-06-17 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)
But you do not enjoy being unfairly judged, Mal, it would not be kind to allow you the same. Besides, you know better than anyone what judgement, hasty or otherwise, can do and cause.

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amhaighdeanbhanuasal: (Default)

Merida | Brave/Once Upon a Time

[personal profile] amhaighdeanbhanuasal 2016-06-17 06:30 pm (UTC)(link)
1. You were trust falling into bushes

2. Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out

3. not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story

4. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me

5. [text her]
Edited 2016-06-17 18:30 (UTC)
indefatigably: (09)

Master Chief • Halo

[personal profile] indefatigably 2016-06-17 06:30 pm (UTC)(link)
1. If this story ends with a Pelican crashing, I'm going to be very disappointed in you.

2. No.

3. For both our sakes, maybe we should ban watching combat sports before sex.
know: (02)

one

[personal profile] know 2016-06-17 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Then I guess I'll just stop there...

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trustinthedevil: (097)

Matt Murdock || MCU

[personal profile] trustinthedevil 2016-06-17 06:32 pm (UTC)(link)
001. Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...

002. He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.

003. Hey beautiful, no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub?

004. About 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts bad. Don't suppose you're still in town?

005. Text him!
dannyrand: (pic#10238205)

2 :B

[personal profile] dannyrand 2016-06-17 08:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Is this about Frank again?

gasp

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lapapessa: (Default)

henley reeves | now you see me

[personal profile] lapapessa 2016-06-17 06:33 pm (UTC)(link)
1. My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.

2. Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.

3. There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
wristwatched: (phhbbt)

2

[personal profile] wristwatched 2016-06-18 01:48 am (UTC)(link)
you have poor taste in men.

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scrapture: (pic#10277519)

junkrat | overwatch

[personal profile] scrapture 2016-06-17 06:34 pm (UTC)(link)
1) PAddIDLES COUNT XTRA IN THE BACK OF A CoP CAR

2) HE HAD iNDUSTRIAL GRDE PLasTIC UNDERNeTH HIS bLANKETS..........
babysealrug: (kanyeshrugdesu)

2

[personal profile] babysealrug 2016-06-17 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
It makes cleaning up that much easier :)

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lookstairs: (Default)

riley poole | national treasure

[personal profile] lookstairs 2016-06-17 06:34 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.

2. I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.

3. Drunk is not a location!

4. I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
tictacs: (um)

omfg | 3

[personal profile] tictacs 2016-06-18 01:21 am (UTC)(link)
It is if you believe

i told yooooooou

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complying: (pic#10263905)

bucky barnes | mcu

[personal profile] complying 2016-06-17 06:34 pm (UTC)(link)
01. it's situations like these that make me climb out of windows

02. the police scanner is talking about you again

03. we were pretty evenly matched until i got thrown through that wall

04. i will fight everything that is not spinning right now
chernaya: (empire)

3

[personal profile] chernaya 2016-06-17 10:50 pm (UTC)(link)
You totally had him. That he was about four times your size, sober, and inhumanly strong never even entered the equation.

How many times have I told you not to fight Thor?

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hacken: (Default)

gaby teller | the man from u.n.c.l.e.

[personal profile] hacken 2016-06-17 06:34 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.

2. It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.

3. the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome

4. I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
im_ironman: (pic#10292068)

Tony Stark | MCU

[personal profile] im_ironman 2016-06-17 06:34 pm (UTC)(link)
1. What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention

2. I’m so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology so I’m covering my bases.

3. We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I’d say it was successful.

4. I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?

5. [text him!]
pointedsouth: (034 ;)

ALL OF THEM but no fine just 1

[personal profile] pointedsouth 2016-06-17 06:48 pm (UTC)(link)
I already gave you some, if I give you too much you'll never settle down. Now turn off the gadgets and go to sleep.

<3

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love the new name!

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it's so short i love it too

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decupido: (Default)

bea bliss | oc

[personal profile] decupido 2016-06-17 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?

2. The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....

3. What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
scarlethour: (Default)

Wanda Maximoff | MCU | ota

[personal profile] scarlethour 2016-06-17 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)
​​1. Trying to get through this weekend sober, which is going to be difficult since I've already started drinking
2. You got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only. I thought you did good though
3. Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
4. What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention?
5. Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
6. [text her!]

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skiesaregrey: (Default)

johnny martin | penelope

[personal profile] skiesaregrey 2016-06-17 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)
1. There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future

2. Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted

3. Sorry about my life.
brainiest: (how are you doing that)

2

[personal profile] brainiest 2016-06-17 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
A part of me wishes you were the first person to ever say that to me.

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exstep: (Default)

josh lucas | clueless

[personal profile] exstep 2016-06-17 06:36 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the party last night. My life sucks

2. Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.

3. Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
totallybuggin: (making face)

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[personal profile] totallybuggin 2016-06-17 07:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Because that photography class I took totally paid off.

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1 LMAO BECAUSE PAUL RUDD

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TWINSIES

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thewintersoldier: (pic#10350665)

bucky barnes : mcu

[personal profile] thewintersoldier 2016-06-17 06:36 pm (UTC)(link)
1. i hate cats. they’re so curious, it’s not their damn business.

2. i’m about 95% it’s a collapsed lung. go big, right?

3. you were trust falling into bushes
stevefrombrooklyn: (Argue)

[personal profile] stevefrombrooklyn 2016-06-17 06:43 pm (UTC)(link)


how can you hate that face

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makeuponpoint: (pic#10264707)

Lucifer → Shingeki no Bahamut Genesis → ota

[personal profile] makeuponpoint 2016-06-17 06:37 pm (UTC)(link)
1.) I called you last night? What did I say??

2.) Do you know how to give stitches?

3.) I've never had someone have to disarm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that.

4.) I feel like I've seen the light, but not in the nasty religious way. That's gross. Say no to God, kids.

5.) My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?

6.) Broke my ankle and blacked out last night. 'Twas grand.

7.) Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.

8.) It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold.

9.) It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children.

10.) [Text him?]
whoislikehim: (Eh?)

4, Misfire

[personal profile] whoislikehim 2016-06-17 07:13 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't know who you're talking to, but if it is someone with free will, perhaps you should let them make up their own mind, since..God is not always terrible, depending upon what universe you come from. He's certainly better than Demons in mine.

But what kind of epiphany did you have, Lucifer?
greatestschemer: (Default)

Prof. James Moriarty | Sherlock/ACD EU | OTA

[personal profile] greatestschemer 2016-06-17 06:38 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Preface: I'm drunk. But I think I'd make a good assasin. That is all.

2. What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention

3. Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.

4. Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank

5. [Text him!]
pointedsouth: (126 ;)

steve rogers | mcu

[personal profile] pointedsouth 2016-06-17 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
a. Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
b. Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
c. My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
d. Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children... Don't know how to take that one.
e. text him!
im_ironman: (pic#10193503)

D

[personal profile] im_ironman 2016-06-17 06:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Well now you know your workout sessions are paying off.

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flasharoo: (pic#10362252)

Wally West | DC Comics (Rebirth)

[personal profile] flasharoo 2016-06-17 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."

2. At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head.

3. You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likeable bad influence I've ever met.

4. I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got.

5. You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection.
Edited 2016-06-17 19:34 (UTC)
hawkwhy: (pic#8449026)

1

[personal profile] hawkwhy 2016-06-17 09:58 pm (UTC)(link)
at least it was in that order???

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chosenbylightning: (Default)

Barry Allen | The Flash

[personal profile] chosenbylightning 2016-06-17 06:42 pm (UTC)(link)

1. Drunk is not a location!

2. The police scanner is talking about you again.

3. I've never had someone have to disarm themselves before I sucked their dick. Superhero win?

4. You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Edited 2016-06-17 18:44 (UTC)
catchacold: :) (Default)

2.

[personal profile] catchacold 2016-06-17 08:12 pm (UTC)(link)
That comes with the territory. Worse than paparazzi.

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flightpath: (pic#10350822)

anduin lothar | warcraft

[personal profile] flightpath 2016-06-17 06:43 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.

2. My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.

3. I was all, oh. I've had stab wounds and broken a limb. Waxing my balls will be a cake walk. I was wrong. So wrong.

4. Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out.
sanction: (020)

[personal profile] sanction 2016-06-17 06:49 pm (UTC)(link)
why are you putting wax on your balls in the first place?

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