Page 1 of 13
1) Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?2) Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?3) i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?4) i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt5) [ obligatory TEXT HIM option ]
( one ) Future reference: me asking if "you're free ;)" doesn't mean going for a tandem bike ride.( two ) So drunk you didn't notice when I switched your jäger for maple syrup before or after you drank it.( three ) Need to grocery shop. Have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
( one ) Fun fact: dicks can be used to catapult cheetos.( two ) When I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.( three ) I found the vodka. It was hiding in the orange juice.