thecanarylives: (shot)

Sara Lance | DCTV

[personal profile] thecanarylives 2017-02-17 04:16 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?

2. I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky

3. Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.

4. We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.

5. Text her!
inventor: wwii (ғᴀʟʟ.)

howard stark | mcu.

[personal profile] inventor 2017-02-17 04:16 pm (UTC)(link)
1i was winning that fight until he threw me through a wall
2if she was naked in my room i would talk to her
3best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them
4to whom it may concern. if im dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf my dad s middle name is isaac
5oh man i wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. i followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and i flipped them off the entire way. they loved it
redsoles: (pic#10808964)

cor leonis | ffxv

[personal profile] redsoles 2017-02-17 04:16 pm (UTC)(link)
1. You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets

2. ...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.

3. I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.

4. you wrote "5 million gil" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
soldado: (ᴡɪᴄᴋ.)

daniel sousa, mcu.

[personal profile] soldado 2017-02-17 04:17 pm (UTC)(link)
1i hope none of us try to run for public office one day
2just woke up wearing a top hat and mickey mouse boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out
3thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. love and miss you, too
made_of_stars: (jyn - we're really doing this)

jyn erso || rogue one ||

[personal profile] made_of_stars 2017-02-17 04:17 pm (UTC)(link)
1: I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level

2: WE ARE DOOMED. And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is a good one.

3: I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.

4: Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.

5: I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid.

6: [bring your own text]
indoda: (Default)

t'challa / mcu.

[personal profile] indoda 2017-02-17 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
a) i'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props
b) gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. this night is getting way too real
c) dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times

sketchycharacter: (clink)

Nathan Drake | Uncharted

[personal profile] sketchycharacter 2017-02-17 04:19 pm (UTC)(link)
1. you know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. i have no regrets.

2. valentine's day is now to be known as tacos and orgasms day

3. i need to stop getting so drunk at bowling

4. same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me

5. i'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos

6. do you have feelings for this penis?

7. [text him!]
Edited 2017-02-17 16:22 (UTC)
fuckwad: (Default)

aloysius samberly | mcu

[personal profile] fuckwad 2017-02-17 04:20 pm (UTC)(link)
1i woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head
2oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out
3i get a little bitchy. we all know that
thespians: (Default)

angie martinelli / mcu

[personal profile] thespians 2017-02-17 04:20 pm (UTC)(link)
1. for the first time in my life, i still have money by the next payday. who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
2. his fucking was so lame i considered painting my nails during
3. he's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "i just want you to be happy"
pressurepoint: (13)

Gladio | FFXV | ota

[personal profile] pressurepoint 2017-02-17 04:21 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling

2. I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this?

3. You attempted to body slam me to the floor and than humped me.

4. I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day.

5. Do you have feelings for this penis?
apparating: (pic#10971222)

Newt Scamander | Fantastic Beasts

[personal profile] apparating 2017-02-17 04:22 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I thought she had blonde hair

2. my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.

3. Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
damnedsel: (shrug)

Rita Du Clark | iZombie | ota

[personal profile] damnedsel 2017-02-17 04:23 pm (UTC)(link)
1. It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted...

2. I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy

3. Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought Bohemian Rhapsody was by The Who

4. My dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand

5. [text her]
atms: (Default)

leonard snart ⇢ dctv

[personal profile] atms 2017-02-17 04:24 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Listen, I will take literally anything I can get my tiny queer fingers on.

2. This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm living in and the one I've got another safe house in. What have you done since the election?

3. There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked them what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be alright."

4. Looks like I stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
wittchen: (Default)

snow white | the wolf among us

[personal profile] wittchen 2017-02-17 04:26 pm (UTC)(link)
001. "Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am"

002. "So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car."

003. "I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home..."
bakedgoods: (pic#10971227)

Jacob Kowalski | Fantastic Beasts

[personal profile] bakedgoods 2017-02-17 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I think I won the penis lottery.

2. Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.

3. We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
cruelandunusual: (qu'est-ce que c'est)

tyrian callows || rwby

[personal profile] cruelandunusual 2017-02-17 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)
1. All I really want to do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. Is that too much to ask?

2. I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.

3. I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I stung anyone who came near me.

4. text him!
assess: (Default)

Shiro | Voltron

[personal profile] assess 2017-02-17 04:29 pm (UTC)(link)
1. ... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.

2. You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.

3. ( text him )
crisised: (► since i don't use the keywords...)

kara zor-el ▶︎ dc comics

[personal profile] crisised 2017-02-17 04:29 pm (UTC)(link)
001. i love her so much i can forgive her for wearing crocs.

002. don't tell me i can do whatever makes me happy while also saying i have to put on pants.

003. i'm watching netflix with my cat and eating homemade bread. everyone and everything else can go fuck itself.

004. BECAUSE SCIENCE
reliablelies: (plans)

Loki | MCU | ota

[personal profile] reliablelies 2017-02-17 04:30 pm (UTC)(link)
1. So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.

2. Another side note: I'm officially selling my underwear on the internet.

3. I've been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.

4. Just woke up under a car? That's odd.

5. Text him!
kon_el: (Tongue)

1

[personal profile] kon_el 2017-02-17 04:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Of course it is!

With your skills? It's also a certainty.
douchebag: (54)

Felix | Red vs Blue

[personal profile] douchebag 2017-02-17 04:30 pm (UTC)(link)
1. We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free.

2. Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?

3. The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers.
boogiedown: (Yessssss!)

Minami | Yuri!!! On Ice | OTA, Misfires welcome

[personal profile] boogiedown 2017-02-17 04:30 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I am wearing the tiara and YOU CAN’T STOP ME.

2. I’m 50% weirded out and 50% into it

3. WAIT YOU DIDN’T FEED THE SQUIRREL???

4. Text him!
coy: (Default)

caroline forbes » the vampire diaries

[personal profile] coy 2017-02-17 04:34 pm (UTC)(link)
a. Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
b. PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
c. I can feel your judgement through the phone
damnedsel: (evil)

5

[personal profile] damnedsel 2017-02-17 04:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Only sexual ones. Hope you weren't expecting more than that
taskforcing: (consideration)

patty spivot - the flash

[personal profile] taskforcing 2017-02-17 04:35 pm (UTC)(link)
a. I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
b. For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
c. I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.