taer: (⚔ 001)

sara lance | dctv

[personal profile] taer 2017-02-17 05:37 pm (UTC)(link)
( 001 ) Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
( 002 ) You yell at me for being attracted to older women and you're over here condoning murder
atms: (007.)

001

[personal profile] atms 2017-02-17 06:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Have you ever actually talked to a stripper?

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idk man idk

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¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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thesefirststeps: (Default)

Rey | SW: TFA

[personal profile] thesefirststeps 2017-02-17 05:39 pm (UTC)(link)
1: And that is exactly why we're soulmates.

2: I would ride that face into the sunset

3: Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?

4: I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies

5: [Or text her!]
fightsforher: (Smile 2)

4

[personal profile] fightsforher 2017-02-17 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)
That's alright. They're really good cookies.

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deveaux: (pic#10577392)

Jackson Deveaux | The Arcana Chronicles

[personal profile] deveaux 2017-02-17 05:39 pm (UTC)(link)
1. So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.

2. Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.

3. No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.

4. Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.

5. I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
preciousblueberry: (❧ incredulous)

3

[personal profile] preciousblueberry 2017-02-17 11:54 pm (UTC)(link)
what??? no, no dying. besides, i already pray enough for you, i don't want to have to pray that you don't die in your sleep.

do i need to come over there?

Re: 3

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bluejasmine: (pic#11058121)

Veronica Lodge | Riverdale

[personal profile] bluejasmine 2017-02-17 05:41 pm (UTC)(link)
1. ...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.

2. Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.

3. It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard.

4. My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?"WTF has happened to me?

5. Text her!

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playthedamncard: (pic#11030274)

Seto Kaiba | YGO

[personal profile] playthedamncard 2017-02-17 05:42 pm (UTC)(link)
1. HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.

2. I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now.

3. I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in my limo last night while eating pizza.

4. And now I have a massive joint and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single and rich is pretty legit.
boogiedown: (GAH!)

1

[personal profile] boogiedown 2017-02-17 06:15 pm (UTC)(link)
YOUR GAMES ARE
SO
WEIRD
(O^O)

bless u

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:3

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dreamthing: (pic#10925717)

Matthew Lynch | The Raven Cycle

[personal profile] dreamthing 2017-02-17 05:45 pm (UTC)(link)
1. you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech

2. I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud

3. I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics

4. We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
neighbor: (Default)

Betty Cooper • Riverdale

[personal profile] neighbor 2017-02-17 05:47 pm (UTC)(link)
01. So I have been told that you licked my eyebrows last night.

02. Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.

03. After last night I am convinced you are the embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.

04. or text her.
geniusdorkhero: (What the?)

2

[personal profile] geniusdorkhero 2017-02-17 05:48 pm (UTC)(link)
I would never tell you that.

Be free. Down with the pants!
dorkvader: (Texting)

Darth Vader | Star Wars : Blue Milk Special

[personal profile] dorkvader 2017-02-17 05:47 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I did espresso shots. Rest in peace.

2. Like do I send him a gift card to ease his mind off his bff getting blown up? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I'm kind of a terrible father.

3. all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.

4. Text him, misfires welcome!

democratically: (this should be interesting)

2.

[personal profile] democratically 2017-02-17 06:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Considering it was your order that brought it forth. It seems to be lacking in taste were you to.

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sarcaskick: (consider the following)

mercury black || rwby

[personal profile] sarcaskick 2017-02-17 05:49 pm (UTC)(link)
1. you know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, i would totally eat chips for a living.

2. you know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. i have no regrets

3. she was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. so, yeah, I hit it.

4. im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it

5. text him!
igniferi: (Default)

2

[personal profile] igniferi 2017-02-17 06:16 pm (UTC)(link)
That explains the incessant yowling.

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absolutely true tbh

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wapow: (WiDmW58)

Kara Danvers | Supergirl (DCTV)

[personal profile] wapow 2017-02-17 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?

2. i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person

3. Never let your siblings swipe right.

4. After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.

5. Text her!
Edited 2017-02-17 18:00 (UTC)
underachievement: it is. (you probably think this icon's about you)

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[personal profile] underachievement 2017-02-17 06:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Well we can't all be powered by sugar spice and the literal goddamn sun

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that song oh my god

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rekt: (pic#11035070)

john murphy | the 100

[personal profile] rekt 2017-02-17 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)
1. You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets

2. I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky

3. I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos

4. that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi

5. But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs

6. I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Edited 2017-02-17 17:51 (UTC)
lonewanderer: (☀ giggle.)

3.

[personal profile] lonewanderer 2017-02-17 06:07 pm (UTC)(link)
that might burn depending on how covered and where

but i would love you more if you were covered in orange slices so

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dungarees: (pic#10539175)

Eugene Sledge | The Pacific

[personal profile] dungarees 2017-02-17 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.

2. I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.

3. I am a bulletproof tiger!
resistencia: (i can see it in your eyes)

Poe Dameron | Star Wars

[personal profile] resistencia 2017-02-17 05:54 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Someone broke into my ship last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in the cockpit. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.

2. You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.

3. Text him!
Edited 2017-02-17 19:17 (UTC)
jakkuorphan: (probably teasing u)

1

[personal profile] jakkuorphan 2017-02-17 09:26 pm (UTC)(link)
What monsters, how dare they not steal from you.

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quies: (• 010)

noctis lucis caelum . ffxv

[personal profile] quies 2017-02-17 05:56 pm (UTC)(link)
one. I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this?

two. At what point can I admit that I hate going to political parties?

three. Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do.

four. Or text him.
gns: (Default)

two.

[personal profile] gns 2017-02-17 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
At no point when I am involved with the menu.

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emilywoodrow: (Default)

Emily Woodrow | Preacher

[personal profile] emilywoodrow 2017-02-17 05:57 pm (UTC)(link)
1. high people should be assigned attendants

2. his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.

3. you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
bloodandwhiskey: (13.)

1

[personal profile] bloodandwhiskey 2017-02-18 05:05 am (UTC)(link)
Are you volunteering, luv? Can't say I'd say no to havin such a lovely minder

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rasped: @ gazgraphics (pic#11038030)

Harry Wells | The Flash

[personal profile] rasped 2017-02-17 06:00 pm (UTC)(link)
1 Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
2 I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
3 We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny.
4 Text him!
thisismadfreaky: (Boo ~ no)

1

[personal profile] thisismadfreaky 2017-02-17 06:07 pm (UTC)(link)
I had no idea you were so religious, Harry.

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photowark: (pic#11028625)

prompto argentum ☆ FFXV

[personal profile] photowark 2017-02-17 06:01 pm (UTC)(link)
i. i got a free grilled cheese. didn't even have to talk about the six!
ii.  are you serious?! she sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
iii. i'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos.
iv. or text him!

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ultraprecise: (pic#10854788)

Dana Scully | X-Files

[personal profile] ultraprecise 2017-02-17 06:02 pm (UTC)(link)
1. So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
2. I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
3. Text her!
im_gonna_heal_u: (JUBILANT)

Konoka Konoe | Mahou Sensei Negima

[personal profile] im_gonna_heal_u 2017-02-17 06:03 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day

2. Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like Jelly Wars because all the other girls kept chasing the first two contestants to get in their panties. Couldn't get drunk but I sure enjoyed the popcorn!

3. It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.

4. They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.

5. lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast

Or text her
jazzsticks: (pic#11042944)

HR | The Flash

[personal profile] jazzsticks 2017-02-17 06:05 pm (UTC)(link)
1. ...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
2. It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
3. Do you have feelings for this penis?
4. Text him!
clobbers: (pic#10569610)

2

[personal profile] clobbers 2017-02-18 12:35 am (UTC)(link)
Hey, wait! You can sing?! Who says it needs to be a lipsynch battle, then??

( Kara, you've misread the text. )

Idc if everyone stands around, LET'S DO THIS.

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thatsrealneeto: (The numbers just get higher)

Yonebayashi Saiko | Tokyo Ghoul:re

[personal profile] thatsrealneeto 2017-02-17 06:05 pm (UTC)(link)
a. I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day

b. ...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.

c. I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while she rubs baby oil on me

d. text her!
explodosafe: (Default)

a

[personal profile] explodosafe 2017-02-18 05:05 am (UTC)(link)
dude

nobody should HAVE to explain why they ate man and cheese

who even questions that??

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fiskers: (Default)

Henry Cheng | The Raven Cycle

[personal profile] fiskers 2017-02-17 06:05 pm (UTC)(link)
1. He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.

2. We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.

3. I can't put those talents on a resume

4. pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
lunaplaya: (❀ 007)

lunafreya nox fleuret ❀ ffxv

[personal profile] lunaplaya 2017-02-17 06:07 pm (UTC)(link)
one. I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day.
two. I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of wine.
three. ...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
four. Text her.
regisrex: (Default)

three.

[personal profile] regisrex 2017-02-17 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
... are you all right? Should I send somebody to check on you?

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fancisco: (pic#11046302)

cisco ramon | the flash

[personal profile] fancisco 2017-02-17 06:07 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
2. Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
3. got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
4. I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
5. Text him!
queenleftbehind: (Beam)

4

[personal profile] queenleftbehind 2017-02-17 06:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Take it from the experienced drinker. That's exactly how it works.

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thegoodbad: (Default)

Frank Castle | Daredevil/MCU

[personal profile] thegoodbad 2017-02-17 06:08 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.

2. if you like me you must not know who I am

3. You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese.

4. I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

5. he got mad because i made more noise when he gave me a back massage than i do when we actually have sex
Edited 2017-02-17 18:10 (UTC)

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5.

[personal profile] avakaido - 2017-02-17 19:43 (UTC) - Expand

I'm fucking dead

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<3

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