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a. well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. take it from strangers. they're much more reliable. b. I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE.c. i really wish i didn't have to wear pants, this is ridiculous.d. i must say, your penis is just as photogenic as you.
1. Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak...?2. Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.3. A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.4. i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I never thought my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whiskey
1. She told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.2. If she was naked in my room I would talk to her3. I get a little bitchy. we all know that