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Azula ([personal profile] apeopleperson) wrote in [community profile] bakerstreet2012-04-19 10:03 pm

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SATURDAY MORNING MEME



Aah, Saturday morning cartoons. They harken back to a simpler time when good guys always won, bad guys were always cheesy, badass or both, and the plot points were almost always resolved in 24 minutes. Unless it was a multiple-parter, of course.

Now that time is coming back for you - right here in this post!

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A.PREMISE

1. THE ANIMATION OF THE MOVIE OF THE COMIC:
Oh, right, there was a movie or book or comic or game (or even another animated show!) that this is based on. But whereas the original may be bloody and violent and probably has some swearing, someone decided to turn you and your co-stars family-friendly morons who can't shoot straight for some reason. Oh, and you get an animal companion that probably wasn't in your original canon who makes all sorts of jokes that aren't always funny. Enjoy!

2. SHE'S A MAN IN JAPAN: Congratulations, your show's been brought over to the United States from another country! But...what the heck? Your name isn't Guy Supercool! And you're not in high school! And you don't live in America! And oh god they turned your iffeminate life partner into your female love interest?! And what do you mean your grandma didn't die, she passed into the Shadow Realm!? WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!? WHY HAS SHE FORSAKEN YOU!?

3. AND SUDDENLY WE'RE CHILDREN: Screw being an adult like before. You're kids now in this. Who cares why, you just are - either in elementary school or maybe even preschool. You all live together without adult supervision (or if there is adult supervision, its almost never enforced) and you try to make the best of your situation. Like pretending to be in far off lands or saving the world from ghosts! Or even better - you actually do sneak out of the house to have AWESOME kiddy shenannigans without anyone knowing!

4. AND SUDDENLY WE'RE DETECTIVES: Screw the job you were at before, and all the friends and family you had previously. Opening your own P.I. joint in an entirely new place is where its at! Who cares if your previous job had absolutely nothing to do with detectiving! Anyone can be a detective with their new best friends and be a total expert at it without any previous experience! And what do you know, you've got your first big case coming right onto your desk - and it looks like a doozy!

5. AND SUDDENLY I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER: You were a part of a big group of people, or was a friend of the main character. And now, all of a sudden, you're on your own, in your own place. You're the focus now, and all the others you had known all these years are nowhere in sight! You have no idea how this happened or why you're now by yourself in a new town with new neighbors and new problems. But you can do it, right? Besides, this is your turn to shine and show you're not just another face in the crowd you left...!



B. PLOT

1. BY THE _______ OF ________:
You've come across a magical talisman which, with a shout, transforms you into a SUPER AWESOME HERO! Now that you have this amazing power, you must defend your homeland against everything that wants to destroy it (or, you know, save the orphanage with your band if that's what you do). On the downside, this might include random family members and friends you forgot you had because they were brainwashed by the bad guys way back when! Er...surprise?

2. CHEESY SCIENCE STRIKES!: You've been shrunken! Or....turned into a giant. Or a kid. Or a mermaid. Or a...well, whatever it is, be it a different size, age, species, gender, etc. its been altered by a magic potion, or maybe a mad scientist's really cheesy machine. And its incredibly inconvenient for you to be like this, so you need to get to the apparatus responsible, restore yourself to normal and save the day. On the other hand, all the obstacles that are now in your way might make that difficult...

3. AND NOW SOMEONE'S EVIL: It was bound to happen some time. Someone's turned traitor, or maybe they got brainwashed, or tricked, or its Thursday. They're now sporting awesome bad guy clothing, making bad guy speeches, laughing evilly, the whole nine yards! Maybe its you who's become evil. But whoever's randomly become evil, someone's got to save them from the bad guy's clutches somehow, right?

4. AND NOW SOMEONE'S GOOD: Its a bad guy! And they've been captured! And its one of the big fish, the trusted lieutenant, a former good guy, or even The Dragon. Maybe, now that they are cooling their heels, they can re-evaluate their life choices and consider that maybe being evil isn't so good after all. And who better to prod them towards the side of the good guys but you!

5. NIGHTMARE FUEL VS. THE POWER OF CUTE: This is it. folks. The person you're facing off against is made of pure evil. As in, they devour baby souls as a snack, enjoy killing entire planets off for fun or drain people's life forces for no other reason than pure boredom. And what can of badassery are you going to open on this unforgivable monster for threatening your land? Why, the power of your CARE BEAR STARE and THE RAINBOW and PONY POWER an--wait, what!?

6. AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL: How the mighty have fallen! Your best friend - or maybe you - is hooked on drugs! Or in danger of being pregnant as a teen! In the wrong crowd! Skipping school! Not looking both ways before crossing the street! Whatever the sudden malfunction is, well, there's only one way to save the day - THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP! (And maybe throw in a musical number or two to terrify whoever's acting out back onto the path of righteousness...)

7. WORLD PRIX...THING: Yup, its the epic race around the world!...What? Every show did it! And now you're doing it. Be it for fame, money, contractual obligation, blackmail, you're riding in a souped up funny car with a bajillion gadgets designed to inconvenience - but not seriously injure - your numerous rivals. So on your mark...get set...



C. MORAL

1. KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE:
You just noticed some random kids littering! Or setting fire to something! Or just doing something that they shouldn't be doing! As an upstanding citizen, you've just got to do something to stop this travesty! But how? Well, stopping them is all fine and well, but this calls for something more. That's right - an unforgettable LECTURE about the dangers they face from their actions! You just hope these kids will listen!...

2. SAILOR MOON SAYS~: Ok, look. There's no moral. There was never meant to be a moral after this story. Really. But for whatever reason someone really wanted one to be there at the last minute, so you're doing overtime now. So what if the moral is about the dangers of smoking when the episode was actually about how someone just tried to blow up your city? Stop shuffling your feet and just give the damn lecture already!



X. MIX AND MATCH/WILD CARD: Suddenly you're a child detective who must use their cuteness inside a badass talisman to defeat evil incarnate while singing to their friend about how how those "candies" really aren't very dandy to eat...oh and YO JOE! and all. Based on a movie. Or something....or, fine, come up with your own!

metroidhunter: (Hunter: An unusual affinity to round thi)

Samus Aran | Metroid | ALL OVER THIS SHIT

[personal profile] metroidhunter 2012-04-20 02:34 am (UTC)(link)
flipkicking: (Every trial by fire)

1 + 5 + 2 because blue-and-skintight-suit-wearing, pony-tailed blondes = win, yes?

[personal profile] flipkicking 2012-04-20 01:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[Normally, this is where zombies and things come in and start tearing off people's heads and screwing over this city.

BUT THIS IS SATURDAY MORNING. GORE AND DEATH ARE A NO-GO.

SO INSTEAD, WE HAVE...

...giant... genetic frog monstrosity things that are assumed to eat people, although we never actually see that happen or have it confirmed -- rather, they just hop around in the streets and destroy buildings and knock over unoccupied cars.

But GUNS ARE A NO-GO, TOO, so to defeat these things, Jill will be arriving with that laser-shooting gun in Super Smash Brothers a gun that shoots not the terrible, violent things that are bullets, but a relatively harmless LAZOR that stuns.

Because that's totally effective.]


The damn darn things are headed straight for the school down the block -- we still need another ten minutes for them to evacuate.
metroidhunter: (Hunter: Take the shot)

Always except if samus were in a cartoon she'd be a robot man 8(

[personal profile] metroidhunter 2012-04-20 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[But since I can't be that cruel But since I can totally be cruel enough to make witty Other M comparisons Samus continues taking potshots at the monsters, having marginally better success with her arm-cannon because it worked for Mega Man.]

I know. I told Metroid to go help with the evacuation, but we should still make this as quick as possible before Ridley shows up. Or worse, Wesker.

[Ignoring Samus's lack of creativity in the cutesy sidekick naming process, their archetypical sneering bad guys both fit their roles well enough as is. Wesker wants to take over the world with monsters, and Ridley is a space pirate with a grudge against Samus who wants to steal her metroid for... Whatever Team Rocket wants with Pikachu, presumably. Also he has a high-pitched and obnoxious voice because he totally would Retsupurae made it canon.]

We can't take them all from out here, though, we need to find a better position.

[Not that they can't both totally take these chumps face to face but animating that would be a chore but that would be too sexy with Jill's suit but they really should try to reduce property damage... or... something. Suspension of disbelief.]
flipkicking: (Gun it up)

Nintendo's own Mega Man. And the tight suits would be changed to slacks and T-shirts, anyway. :X

[personal profile] flipkicking 2012-04-20 05:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[That earns ONE EMPHATIC NOD, just in case the kids watching miss what she says next or confuse the two ladies -- although the latter is easily solved by just having Samus don that armor often enough, yes? Plus it adds extra points for the little boys who just watch because stuff gets blown up by someone who looks cool.]

Right. Hopefully somewhere more open.

[Although it would make so much more sense to just chuck a grenade at the line of cars between themselves and next wave of Frog Things Hunters because showing that we acknowledge the source is ALL THAT MATTERS and blow them up that way, willful explosions are much too close to terrorism. So after firing one more lazor shot -- to stun! -- Jill turns and beckons as she starts down the street.]

The old [so nobody will miss it] abandoned [conveniently] mall is just a block over -- we can draw them that way and figure out something there.

[pyew, pyew -- at least she got to keep her accuracy?]

If I can get through to HQ, I'll gives Chris [the stereotypical love interest who's not really a love interest because this is TV-Y7, guys, and there are really only enough hints to ultimately disappoint when nothing comes of them] our coordinates.
metroidhunter: (Hunter: Move quickly)

Nah they'd just erase the details; flat chests and no ass. Like Darkstalkers.

[personal profile] metroidhunter 2012-04-20 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[Of course the fact that Samus doesn't have a love interest of her own (Adam, her "Father" doesn't count) makes it seem a little suspicious how much she hangs around with Jill. Not that there actually is anything to it; they're just good friends regardless of what the editing would lead you to believe.]

Okay. Let's go!

[The only parts of the cartoon that get animated even remotely well right here as they run into an inexplicably abandoned old mall, because as often as you see construction sites in this city, apparently all the demolition teams are on strike. Samus covers Jill as she ducks in, and continues blasting away at the frogmen. Most of the hits are implied and not shown, but her improved attitude seems to imply she hit something, at least.]

That got their attention. So what now?

[Because Samus is the muscle when Chris is away, which means she doesn't get to be tactical. Not that her plans ever really involve much more than dropping in and blowing up everything ever.]
flipkicking: (He left me two things:)

SKDJFLSDFS /DEAD WITH AWESOME LULZ

[personal profile] flipkicking 2012-04-21 11:18 pm (UTC)(link)
[And at that terribly familiar, horribly eardrum-tearing accented voice, Jill rounds on the source and raises her Lazor Gun.]

Azula!

[And as dangerous as this lackey is, Jill isn't going to immediately fire -- that would be a sucker shot, even if Azula is asking for it and is totally dangerous and shooting first and asking questions later would make much more sense. NOPE, Jill's just gonna hold the gun only halfway up, deciding her glare is much more effective and dangerous.]

But -- how?! How could Wesker possibly--

[But that's a question for another time, because the Frog Hunter Men Things are still hot on their tail and hopping on in through the front doors -- and now the heroines will soon be surrounded, woe!

But Jill's a pro for a reason, kids, and she quickly turns to Samus.]


If you can hold them off, I'll take care of Azula. [Emphasized with a Dramatic Camera Shot as she sends another glare across the room.] And the signal interference, if I can.

Either way, you're better in the firepower department. [Because Jill can't have her .45s or an RPG. :| Sure would be nice if we had some grenades]
metroidhunter: (Hunter: Running out of time)

Best rogue's gallery 2012

[personal profile] metroidhunter 2012-04-22 12:20 am (UTC)(link)
But-... Wait-!

[Samus turns quickly to try and stop Jill, because shooting frogmen can get lame after a while she's worried about her. But the impending horde means she has to settle for yelling over her shoulder as she continues blasting frog mutant hunters.]

Don't fight her alone! She's too dangerous!

[Clearly seen by the way that in all of her evil monologuing, she hasn't actually attacked yet.]

She's just leading you into a trap!

[Which would be logical if it was anything more than goading her into one-on-one. But unless this is getting near the end of the season, such thoughtfulness isn't too likely. Samus COULD probably use a missile or a power bomb or something, but they weren't authorized at the beginning of the episode she doesn't want to bring the place down on their heads. Of course, that means she has to keep shooting at these creeps to keep them back.]

Jill, wait-!
flipkicking: (With a split-second to react)

I second this

[personal profile] flipkicking 2012-04-22 11:15 pm (UTC)(link)
[By default, any and all warnings from comrades can only be considered after it's too late -- so Jill's already taken off, and still hasn't stopped when that lightning lashes down--]

Agh!

[And because electrocution is Much Too Srs to portray accurately, that bolt's just going to knock Jill's Lazor Gun away -- well out of reach, and all she has to show for it is the fact that she grabs her wrist as if something hit it a little hard.

And this is a Really Bad Thing, because Jill didn't bother to bring anything even vaguely dangerous besides that 9mm Lazor Pistol. :|]


Blast it!

[Of course, there's a reason Jill's so small and packs so lightly: she's usually the brains of the Good Side, and no matter how bad the situation looks, she always has that spare second to think things through while her comrades are shooting all the things. So even as her glove smokes lightly from that surprisingly non-lethal lightning blast, she's looking around -- left, right, above--

--!!]


Samus!

[She throws a look over her shoulder]

The ceiling! Low power!

[Why shoot the ceiling? Because that's where the sprinkler system is, duh -- and considering Azula's fire and lightning magic, an interlude of STREAMING WATER should neutralize those powers and give them a brief opening!]
metroidhunter: (Hunter: Game face)

The ayes have it

[personal profile] metroidhunter 2012-04-22 11:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[Samus takes a couple more shots at the "Hunters" before glancing first over her shoulders at Jill, then up at the ceiling. Why would an old abandoned mall still have running water? Maybe it's a fire code thing. Still, it doesn't take but half a second for it to click in Samus's mind, and she quickly gives another EMPHATIC NOD (even though she's wearing her armor) before whirling around to fire at the ceiling at whatever constitutes a low setting for her arm cannon (standard blast, no charge, no upgrades?). Her aim is inhumanly true and she somehow manages to bullseye a sprinkler, setting off the decrepit fire control system.]

Enjoy the shower, girls!

[It's a short-lived celebration, though. While she's been watching the other two, more hunting frogs have managed to worm their way inside. Despite the pressing nature of this infestation, Samus somehow still has enough time to stop and give Jill the go-ahead to take on their bizarrely European/Russian/fake accented opponent.]

Go on, but be careful! Chris would feed me my armor if I came back without you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to show these guys what it's like to be a real "Hunter".

[Her tomboyish (because you can only be tough if you're a brash tomboy) grin doesn't really show through her mask, but it's there, and everyone knows it's there, because she's kind of predictable like that. Just as it's kind of predictable that her next move is to go run and start beating up frogmen with her gun-arm.]
flipkicking: (Not exactly average.)

neither do these teal deerz

[personal profile] flipkicking 2012-04-23 01:07 pm (UTC)(link)
[She flashes Samus a grateful thumbs-up at the assist.] Don't worry, I don't plan to collect my pension just yet!

[And who cares that the linoleum floor is partly flooded, or that she's in two-inch heels? Jill takes off across the room as easily as if she's running a track marathon -- and then guest VA Mr. T Pyramid Head puts himself directly in the path to Azula, oh, no!

...Which means it's time for a suspenseful commercial break, so brb advertising Cocoa Puffs and Strawberry Shortcake and next week's episode of Resident Metroid: The Last Airbender (despite that this one hasn't ended so AUGH SPOILER JILL AND SAMUS SURVIVE) -- and then we're back.

And in case you forgot what happened five minutes ago, we'll show Azula call out Pyramid Head again and repeat his intro scene. Jill slides to a ridiculously smooth stop on the wet floor like one would in rollerblades.]


You wanna dance, big boy? Then let's dance.

[And enter this episode's one true fight scene, during which the art style seems to shift a bit lol palette shading what is that as Jill pulls off all kinds of flips and fancy moves that... aren't really all that offensive, and largely serve to just put her nearly within reach only to let her narrowly escape floor-shattering Hulk smashes hammer blows. The few kicks that she does throw out seem to have no effect.

Finally, she presses her luck too far: Pyramid Head manages to catch her by the ankle in mid-roundhouse (earning an overlayed frame of Jill's shocked expression) and slings her into a row of chairs and tables. Yadda yadda, she suddenly caaan't mooove because everything huuurts and the enemy's getting closer -- but wait, why is she smiling?]


Sorry, guy. You're a little too rough for my taste.

[And then she throws something directly at him: a flash grenade (where was she keeping it? In Counterterrorism Agent Hammer Space, that's where. Why didn't she use it before? Because we had to use an extra two minutes.) -- it goes off right in front of his face, making him cover his eyes and howl as he stumbles around blindly.

Jill jumps up -- all pain now manageable, amazing how human rib cages are lined with steel these days -- and runs straight for Pyramid Head, dropping to her knees at the last second to slide under his legs, grab the back of his shirt, flip herself up onto his back, and kick hard off the back of his head -- which 1) sends him slipping and sliding on the wet floor until he careens into a construction stand, collapsing the whole thing on top of him and KOing him for the moment, and 2) gives Jill enough momentum to fly straight at Azula, righting herself in the air to aim a double kick at the evil girl's center (because in the face Isn't Cool; and even if it lands, the actual hit won't be shown.)]
metroidhunter: (Hunter: Assess the situation)

I lost track of the references :B

[personal profile] metroidhunter 2012-04-23 04:51 pm (UTC)(link)
[Meanwhile, Samus has just about mopped up the remaining hunters off-screen, most of them in a neat pile by the door (all "unconscious", obviously), so when "Peerameeed hyeeeed" crashes into the construction scaffolds, the first thing he sees when he starts to come to is Samus, arm cannon leveled at his face (even though she's probably more likely to just whack him with it at this point).

She spares one more glance over at Jill to make sure she's okay, then goes back to guard duty.
]

I've got things down here, Jill! How's it going up there?