Yohko [Youko] Mano | 真野 妖子 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
yohko) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2013-08-12 02:05 pm
yohko) wrote in bakerstreet2013-08-12 02:05 pm
Entry tags:
The Abrupt Kiss Meme!
The Abrupt Kissing Meme
Plain and simple: your character is being kissed. Abruptly. How did this happen? Were they talking too much to the point where it was the only way to shut them up? Was someone bidding adieu or just not able to hold in their feelings? Or was this some CPR class gone bad? More importantly—how do they react?
How this works:
→ Leave a comment with the usual information in the subject line: character name, fandom. Any preferences, including what you don't want, should be included as well. Congratulations, your character is being kissed by whoever tags them!
→ Tag around.
→ Feel free to roll RNG (1-9) if you cannot come up with scenarios of your own.
→ Have fun, and be excellent to each other!
→ Leave a comment with the usual information in the subject line: character name, fandom. Any preferences, including what you don't want, should be included as well. Congratulations, your character is being kissed by whoever tags them!
→ Tag around.
→ Feel free to roll RNG (1-9) if you cannot come up with scenarios of your own.
→ Have fun, and be excellent to each other!
- 1 — Simply put: I like you. (You may or may not know this already.)
- 2 — I did it to shut you up. (It worked, didn't it?)
- 3 — I've always been curious... (About what it'd be like to kiss you.)
- 4 — It was an accident! (I totally tripped!)
- 5 — Farewell. (I may never see you again and...!)
- 6 — Taunting. (Bet you didn't see that attack coming didja?)
- 7 — CPR (You were asleep and you suddenly woke up..?)
- 8 — No more waiting! (Ain't nobody got time for that.)
- 9 — Fuck da police. (In other words, the random/whatever option.)
seki ray shiroe | toward the terra
no subject
He wasn't expecting to run into anyone in the hallway, but when he exits the lecture hall, there is Shiroe.
He'd expected, early on, that Glave would be his rival, the one to challenge him, that he would test himself against him, but in the end, it's this pest who's presenting himself in that role.
And as usual, Keith makes a low hum of acknowledgement, shrugs, and goes to walk past him.]
no subject
He's even leaning against the wall in the same way he always does, a smirk breaking across his face when Keith comes out of the lecture hall like it's the most hilarious thing. No pet monkey at his elbow (so maybe Shiroe paid careful attention to when Sam would be indisposed, so what), and his biting quip is all ready to go when Keith all but ignores him.
Excuse him. Shiroe says his bit anyway, maybe a little louder than he meant to--]
Like clockwork, Keith Anyan.
[He pushes himself off the wall - he's annoyed, what the hell - and puts himself in Keith's path. Too close. He has to look up a little.]
So, does a machine get bored without its tag-along drones?
no subject
It's the second part that snags at his attention, and there's a slight break in his stride before he comes to a halt and turns to look at Shiroe, his expression still impassive aside from a slightly raised brow.
He sighs, and glances away from the smirking boy after a moment.]
I don't have time to get bored, with you following along behind me. Don't you have anything better to do?
no subject
Does it bother you? Maybe you're programmed to simulate frustration when someone makes you change course. I wonder what the Elite would do...
[His eyes flit around Keith's face, the faint hint of an expression, his features, that stupid flop of hair. An idea forms before Shiroe quite manages to catch it and study it; how twisted can he make that stone face? That impassive line of a mouth -- how hard does he have to push before it changes?]
How far off course do you think you can go?
[He doesn't wait for another brush off answer - he'll get it without words, he suspects, as he grabs a fistful of Keith's uniform. He yanks (himself up or Keith down, either way he's on his toes) and shoves his mouth against Keith's with all the panache of someone reassuring himself that this was the plan all along.]
no subject
After all, he can't even understand just yet why that feeling of mounting pressure builds up inside him as Shiroe teases and calls him a machine - he's never felt like a machine, he can't comprehend what it is that makes him so intrinsically different from those around him, and so far removed from Shiroe that he can't even work out how to function with him. It's too much to process, and so he just frowns at Shiroe slightly.]
I'm not programmed to do anything.
[It's obvious there, in his voice, that something's gotten through to him, and he wants to turn on his heel and flee with his head held high as if he chose to do it that way, as if it were his own choice and not a flight at all.
Instead, Shiroe is suddenly looking at him with an expression he's seen before, a twisted smile that makes fun, unlike the pleasant ones Sam gives him, but different somehow. He can't even work out how it's different before Shiroe is pressing against him, their whole bodies flush at the front, taking hold of his collar and jerking him down with the weight of his body, and kissing him.
Keith knows what a kiss is. He's seen it many times before, has chided classmates for doing it in public, this private thing. For comfort. Companionship. Something that boys do with their girlfriends, a distraction, a precursor to a relationship. He knows these things, like words out of a textbook, but he's never experienced it. Never had a desire to. He is too focused on his goals.
He didn't choose this, and yet it is happening. And his heart is beating hard, suddenly, his face hot, and he immediately feels as if he's angry - the physical responses are the same, there is that tension in his chest, his muscles clench as he lifts his arms to take hold of the front of Shiroe's uniform.
But he doesn't hit him. He's caught up with experiencing this...whatever it is. It isn't anger, it doesn't feel the same, and yet he doesn't understand how this could be comforting. It's the opposite, sending energy flooding through him, almost tingling, his ears are ringing, and he's too caught off guard to pull away.]
no subject
With much more clarity he manages to count mentally: 1, 2, 3-- and Keith still hasn't hit him. The contact of their bodies is enough to let him feel the way Keith tenses and gets hot and feels alive, not like a machine, not like Shiroe's hands that have gone clammy and cold.
(He will not for a second concede that he might be nervous.)
The subversion of Shiroe's expectations is clear, and he isn't sure what to feel. Part of him wants Keith to stay all but literally mechanical, to give himself an outlet for the fury and resentment he can never quite shake. And yet another part of him wants Keith to defy his every expectation, to prove him wrong if only so Shiroe can throw it back in his face, The flawless Elite Keith Anyan isn't so elite, is he? Mother Eliza's beloved child is no better than the other sheep!
He's staked what's left of him after the adult examination on this... this thing with Keith, and if he's going to set his mind to something he's going to take it as far as possible. This reaction from Keith -- catching him off guard, Shiroe is sure he's the only one to achieve that, and so well! -- spurs him on, to part his lips and really kiss him. With Keith holding the front of his uniform he's able to put less energy into staying upright and more into the kiss, as... clumsy as it may be. Finesse is secondary to heat and contact and the stupid, awful scent of Keith.
Of course, he just can't help himself when it comes to rude commentary, so after a heated moment Shiroe finds Keith's lower lip with his teeth and nips at the skin (likely harder than necessary) before disconnecting. He doesn't let go of Keith or step back, and he's smirking so utterly horribly that he doesn't even notice his face is solidly flushed.]
Ahaha! Ha! Well -- well! [He tilts his head and leans closer again, but not to repeat the kiss; he's squinting, scrutinizing Keith's face.] I can't tell from here, are there error messages flashing before your eyes?
no subject
The problem is that it's a distraction. It's too much a distraction, with Shiroe's body pulsing and hot against his, and he can feel his face flushing, his heart starting to beat hard against Shiroe's chest. That small, still-functioning part of his mind is telling him to push the boy away and end this now, before it escalates, before Shiroe has reason to laugh at him with those bright eyes, challenging everything that Keith is.
He doesn't realize how much like 'error messages' that is.
He's almost worked through the distraction, the confusion, enough to push Shiroe awa when the boy suddenly makes everything deeper, somehow. Objectively, Keith can tell that Shiroe has opened his mouth more, tilted his head a little in order to push them close enough to each other that their teeth bump against each other, that he can taste Shiroe's breath, a little like cinnamon and honey and milk. It should be distasteful.
It isn't.
And when Shiroe pulls back and looks up at him with his infuriatingly bright eyes, Keith hasn't managed to make himself push. He's standing there breathing hard, looking at the flush on Shiroe's usually-pale cheeks, and trying to process what's just happened to him. He closes his mouth, and the emotion wells up, something he doesn't understand, hot and dark and tingling like electricity, he can't tell if it's anger or not, but he's still got hold of the front of Shiroe's uniform, and he twists them around, shoving the smaller boy against the wall.
It's panic, maybe. Panic and anger and something else deeper that he doesn't understand.]
What was that supposed to be?
no subject
The moment passes, however, and he looses only one hand to brush his hair back and shrug. His shoulders slide along cool wall again and he can't help but want the heat of a moment ago to return. It doesn't occur to him to be threatened; even if Keith's hit him before, even if he's against the wall and not lucky enough to catch Keith off guard again, it doesn't seem to matter. The higher the stakes, the more Shiroe feels in his element, and this might be two boys quarreling in an empty hallway or it might be something much deeper, much darker than he has the present state of mind to fully comprehend.
The hand that's still clutching Keith's uniform has gone from cold to too warm; again, something has changed. Shiroe doesn't stop to think of a plan.]
Look it up.
[Which is probably the most lukewarm thing he can say right now, but he doesn't care about that, either. Keith is troubled; Shiroe is winning. He raises an eyebrow and moves his free hand as if to push at the arms holding him to the wall, but then diverts and places his hand full against Keith's face, along his jaw.]
Are you stumped? [fingernails press slightly against skin--] It's too bad that girl of yours took off, I'm sure she'd love to explain.
no subject
But then Shiroe's hand is coming up to brush his hair back (it's stupid, he notices, for the first time, a very stupid-looking hairstyle, pulled off to the side like that) and he's breathing too heavily. They're too close, his body pinning Shiroe's smaller, lighter frame against the wall with just the weight of himself, the muscles in his arms not bearing much of Shiroe's.
And again, hopelessly, Keith's mind is telling him, somewhere in the background, that he should let Shiroe down and walk away to salvage this before he's lost a competition he never chose to enter. But that voice of reason is too small, too quiet in the face of his lack of understanding - there is no Sam to hold him back, no classmates to pull Shiroe away from him, and he lacks the self-control to stop himself. When Shiroe mentions Suena again, he lets out a sharp noise of anger, and he pushes.
He's angry because it's only now, with Shiroe mocking him, after kissing him like that, that he realizes what it was he didn't understand about her. It is his own lack of understanding that makes him angry, and it is his own realization that even now, knowing that Suena might have wanted to kiss him, he has no interest that makes him keep pushing. His lip is throbbing, and there is no denying he wants to hurt Shiroe. But when that hand settles on his jaw and fingernails scratch his skin, he wants to kiss him again, too, and that is more confusing than anything.
But without Sam to hold him back, with a voice of reason well-trained but too fragile to withstand the power of his emotion, he leans in and crushes his mouth against Shiroe's again, with all the passion he's feeling. There's nothing to subdue it, to give him a moment to think, and his mouth is opening, teeth closing on Shiroe's lip seeking vengeance for that bite, clumsy and untrained and unknowing. Uncomplicated, and too raw for a person like him.]
no subject
She looked at Keith and never got him to look back; Shiroe can get Keith to look at him but not to see. An uncomfortable parallel Shiroe never wanted to acknowledge, because it was so obvious from the start that Suena would never get what she wanted, and if he--if he can't-- Shiroe cannot afford to lose any part of himself again, and if he fails and has to run away, how much of himself will he have left?
Sometimes he doesn't think he'd be able to run if he had to. Sometimes it terrifies him. It's desperation that makes him return to provoke Keith over and over; test scores belonging to a system he doesn't believe in mean nothing, but to make this machine's child into a twisted thing might be enough. To open Keith's eyes would at least give Shiroe the satisfaction of knowing someone else in the universe is lost like him.
To that end it can't be anyone but Keith, to wallow with him or to do--something else, something he hasn't decided on yet. Somewhere between Keith pushing him and kissing him again he admits it to himself, that of all the certainly more lively people he could have wanted to kiss, he's placed his not-quite-affections with this person, and here they are. He barely suppresses another sudden laugh at the roughness of it. It reminds him of being hit in the face.
Somewhere within Shiroe, a wire has crossed. He's no more knowing than Keith is but he still feels like he's letting this happen, letting Keith experience frustration and aggression, like he is the one in control. He lets go of Keith's face and slides his arm around his shoulders, pulling himself up again -- he much prefers an angry heat to a cold wall, after all. With his tongue he presses back, against teeth or lip or between he doesn't really care, and he's just as clumsy but maybe a little more purposeful about it.
His lip is going to bruise, and later he's going to make Keith feel uncomfortable about it. He knows what he's doing.]
no subject
Why isn't he resisting? His mouth is open when Shiroe's tongue pushes into it, past his teeth, and for the first time when their bodies make contact, Keith's is hotter. Slim arms are sliding around his shoulders, pulling the boy against the heat of him, and he lets go of one of the shoulders of Shiroe's uniform to hook it around his waist to support his weight. It's almost an embrace, now, and he responds on instinct, his mouth opening more, letting up the pressure so it's less like a punch in the face and more like a kiss. Affection, pulsing through his veins like electricity. A foreign concept.
His heart is beating too hard, and now the only reason he's continuing is because he doesn't know what to do when it stops, he doesn't know how to disengage, and Shiroe's mouth still tastes of cinnamon milk and honey, so he pushes his tongue inside, mimicking what Shiroe has done to him. It's clumsy, uncoordinated, but he doesn't know what else to do, and his hands are shaking because he feels so out of his depth.
This has never happened to him before. He's faced the dead of space with a malfunctioning spacesuit, he's performed impeccably in every pseudo-emergency he's encountered, with a cool head and steady hand, but this is different. He's realizing things about himself that he doesn't know how to process - he doesn't know if they're good, or bad, and in Keith Anyan's black and white world with its rules forming from the ground up, this is a crisis he isn't sure how to navigate.
He knows this: If Suena had done what Shiroe is doing now, he wouldn't have responded in this way. He knows that he will never look at Shiroe the same way again.
Against his will, he makes a soft sound in his throat, and pulls his head back, dizzy with lack of breath, lips swollen slightly, and red, his eyes squeezed shut as if he is in pain, struggling for breath and refusing to look.]
no subject
Keith's mouth and tongue bring him the taste of nothing, and Shiroe isn't surprised. He can tell from the way Keith holds him and probes fitfully into his mouth that the taller boy has only ever learned to kiss by telling others not to do it and the thought almost makes him grin again. Even without gathering in small groups to whisper conspiratorially in common rooms after hours about The Best Ways to Kiss (because Shiroe would never, even if there were people who wanted to whisper with him), it isn't difficult. Keith seems to have mastered the basic principle of the matter, anyway: use mouth, abandon rationale and logical thinking.
In the big book of expressing one's feelings, Shiroe has gotten about that far. He reacts accordingly, pressing flush against Keith once more and pushing less with his mouth. He's already strained from the herculean task of reaching Keith's face, and his lip stings where Keith bit -- it wouldn't do to start biting tongues. The drop in intensity is hardly a drop at all; Shiroe still feels like he's catching fire in lots of little places and if a moment ago was Keith's answer to his taunting, then this must be a new thread of questions he has to provide the solution to. The gentler they become the more Shiroe knows, can practically sense whatever they are becoming more twisted.
He can't exactly complain. There are vast differences between other students sharing a kiss like this and the two of them, but Shiroe has never wanted anything the other students crave. At this moment, there is hardly anything stopping him from getting what he wants, and that is enough.
When Keith pulls away, Shiroe's hazy concentration snaps. He opens one eye, somewhat annoyed, but blinks almost owlishly when he processes the look on the other boy's face. He thinks if he kisses Keith again, right now, just like before, he might just be able to unravel whatever togetherness Keith has left. Mother Eliza sure can't do this.
But.]
Keith. [His voice is too soft and it angers him, and he tries again, with more conviction:] Keith Anyan.
[Part of him wants to grab Keith by the face and pry his eyes open, make him look, make him bear witness to his own excellent, wild folly. Instead he taps a finger on the back of Keith's head, pointedly. Both of them look ridiculous, he's sure, but at least he can keep his eyes open.]
What have you figured out, hmm? Or is Mother Eliza calling directly?
[The longer he goads, the longer he can avoid dealing with his own immediate issues. Excellent.]
no subject
For all that he feels as if he's falling apart, lost, somehow in this moment he feels like nothing more than a normal human boy with emotions that are going out of sorts and an inability to compose himself. He stands still with his chest rising and falling heavily, and he keeps his eyes closed even when Shiroe speaks his name, as if keeping them closed will erase what he's done and how far he's fallen and what the consequences are going to be now.
He notices that Shiroe's voice is soft, at first, before he forces it to be more powerful, and then when the boy's fingers tap at the back of his skull, he opens his eyes abruptly and finds himself looking at Shiroe, with those bright eyes that remind Sam of his friend. Bright, vivid, standing out like a star against the drab background of station E-1077, and for a moment he was transfixed.
After that moment, he blinked, several times, and he can't help but think about what Shiroe just asked him. He gives up, after a moment - he hasn't learned anything, and so he latches onto that, trying to tell himself that if he didn't learn something then there's no purpose, there was no purpose, and so it's meaningless, just as he'd thought. But his heart is still beating too hard and his arm is around Shiroe's waist. After a moment, the other has to go down to join it, he can't maintain the boy's weight that way, not without the adrenaline of the kiss. Now, in the aftermath, with the strange fear settling into him, uncertainty over how to face this and what's happened, this loss of control, he's lost some of that strength.
Both arms around Shiroe's waist, and the boy's arm around his shoulders, and the way Shiroe's fingers dig into his hair just slightly as his nails slide across his scalp, and he knows it looks like something it isn't. It isn't, because it can't be. Keith Anyan doesn't embrace in the hallway, where anyone could see. An eyesore.
This isn't like him.
He shoots Shiroe an irritable expression.]
She calls me the same as anyone else.
And if I have any observations, why should I share them with you?
no subject
It passes. Keith is not his mother, will never earn even a fraction of the affection and feelings Shiroe had-- has for her, and so he doesn't think about it. This is more clutching than being held, anyway. As the edge of the kiss fades away he can't help but think, was that worthwhile? Keith still hasn't hit him -- are they going to do this from now on? It certainly leaves less marks.
He has a scoff and another taunting question about Mother Eliza on the tip of his tongue, but the way Keith looks at him after his prodding stops him. He lets out a kind of stupid, vague sound, something that tried to be a word and gave up in the middle. Then there's another arm around his waist and, wait, when did he break concentration? His confusion bubbles back up to the surface and he gapes, just a little. Keith is surely going to hit him, or crush his lips again, or throw him or something besides hold him in this public hallway and not stop Shiroe from touching his hair. None of his questions have been answered and he's finding his ability to remain calm comes and goes in little bursts--
Experimentally, he sticks his fingers in Keith's hair. It's is too long; he thinks about that and swallows his mounting panic. Then he rolls his eyes - of course Keith calls it observations. Of course.]
I asked. [A smirk twitches at the corner of his mouth, then. Of course they both know pleasantries mean little between them, but what's a little more pretending between... between schoolmates. Somethings. Boys being untoward in the hall.]
You don't have an audience, so why not? You've already crossed one line -- or is it more?
no subject
He stops himself, though, for the first time conceding to the voice of reason still remaining in his head. The truth is that he has crossed line. In fact, he's crossed several, and his head is still spinning with it, he doesn't know what to make of it, and the boy he's still holding in his arms, trapped between him and the wall, is the last person who will explain things to him in a way that will set his mind at ease. And yet, somehow some part of him, desperate to understand, can sense that Shiroe is the only person who can explain it to him in a way that conveys the true meaning.
Part of him aches to understand, aches to feel connected to the rest of the human race and somehow become closer to what Shiroe is, somewhere beyond that.
He swallows, and his muscles refuse to allow him to release the boy, his eyes locked on his face, curious, and he feels as if he's seeing Shiroe properly for the first time. With potential.]
I don't see what it is that's even remotely comforting about it.
no subject
He is aware of the block still between them, their respective faults and personal hangups preventing that one last, glorious rush of truth he's been striving for since they met. The desire to take a sledgehammer - a verbal one, knowing himself - to that block and decimate it is still in his mind, smoldering. Shiroe is reckless if nothing else, that's how they got to this point, but even he has sense enough to know when to slow down.
Somewhat. His fingers are still in Keith's hair, and he draws them out lazily, with a thoughtful hum. Then he does it again, and again. It's the gentlest touch he's given anyone since leaving his childhood behind, and he doesn't hide it this time. A soft voice is too much, but a gentle touch he'll allow himself. Plus, it's probably totally annoying, and the occasional rake of fingernails across the back of the taller boy's neck is his unspoken reminder: There is more to this than being an eyesore. He has no intention of letting Keith walk away from him, now.]
That's good, because I haven't tried to comfort you.
[The thought makes his stomach flip and genuine tenderness, without talons, still confuses and frightens him. Keith catches his eye with that look and Shiroe holds it for just seconds before he glances away, tilting his head a fraction to gaze disinterestedly at his own repeated motions in Keith's hair.
This is what he wants, he has to remind himself. This is progress.]
Is that your whole answer? Low marks.
no subject
Now, with fingers sliding through his hair, smoothing and stroking it, catching nails lightly against his scalp and then moving further down, and that he can identify as comforting.
It contrasts with what Shiroe is saying now, and yet he knows what Shiroe says to be correct - there is nothing that Shiroe would do to him that was intended to be comforting. Shiroe's goal is to destabilize his mind, and he is far too good at doing that for any kind of comfort.
His brow furrows at the taunt, and he makes a soft noise in his throat, one of irritation.]
You think this is what Suena had in mind with me?
[The question catches even himself off-guard, and yet that is what he wants to know. He wants to understand and connect things that seem poignant, meaningful inside his own mind and that he can't quite piece together himself, like a puzzle he's trying to do with no reference image. Like blind archery. He doesn't have the resources for this, and he knows it, this is too advanced, and yet somehow Shiroe, four years younger than him, small and soft in his arms, knows it.
It's infuriating. But he can't sustain that anger with Shiroe's fingers stroking his hair.]
no subject
You don't?
[and then:] Of course you don't. She left to replace you with someone else, didn't she? Everyone else thought it was obvious.
[Briefly Shiroe pauses, curling his fingers into Keith's scalp and holding them there in yet another not-quite-comforting gesture. If he's comforting anyone it is himself, and about Suena: she was wrong, of course. Naturally, someone weak like her would be wrong. She failed and ran away, and trying to find something - someone to fill that Keith-shaped space isn't going to make her happy. Shiroe knows this because he has wondered if he should do the same, move on to someone else, someone less infuriating.
Unlike Suena, Shiroe is not concerned with making himself happy. Happiness is a faraway memory, and he gets through each day only by force of will and a wanting hunger, for truth and for Keith to -- to do something. Wanting to kiss him isn't the same as what Suena wanted. Shiroe convinces himself he is not weak.
He gives Keith's hair an irritated tug, then resumes his motions from a moment before.]
If you care so much, leave Mother Eliza and go after her.
[An almost-challenge. He glances at Keith's face, raising an eyebrow as if to ask, What will you do with that? He knows that if Keith wanted to leave him in this hallway he would have done so long ago, but he wonders, what will the puppet boy say to a direct statement like that?]
no subject
He should feel angry at what Shiroe is saying, insulting Suena again, insulting himself - but no, no neither of them are being insulted, and yet he feels as if they have been. It's hard to understand, why his immediate reaction should be to think that Shiroe is insulting them just by stating a fact.
Suena left to find someone else to replace him. A husband. Someone to kiss. And everyone else had thought it was obvious.
The thought of that hits him like a blow, his face goes blank for a moment as he processes it, fitting together the ends of mismatched concepts, his sensations of being separate from others, a different entity, his confusion at Sam's anger when Suena had left, when he'd considered his response to be that of a supportive friend. It wasn't as if he'd wished her ill, but now he can see how his words had cut, and why Sam felt protective.
Everyone else had thought it was obvious, and yet he'd not had a clue.
It's true that he's different, then. He'd expected as much, come to notice as much, and he still doesn't understand why, what it is that makes him so, every clue he has, and every suggestion from Shiroe adds up to some strange sensation that he is not human, and yet what else can he be?
Perhaps Shiroe is the only other person who feels that alienation.
Perhaps, along with angry, he should feel upset that he let a chance to be romantic with Suena slip through his fingers, but he still believes that he has no use of it, no time for it, no reason to settle down or seek romance. He has no regret at losing that opportunity. Suena had been an intelligent and strong-willed woman, but even knowing this, the thought of kissing her didn't set his heart beating hard, or his breath fast, his face hot.
He blinks, and looks back at Shiroe's face, with that expression of seeing again, as Shiroe asks if he wants to leave Mother Eliza and go after her.]
I don't want to. I have no interest in having a relationship with Suena Dalton. I wouldn't have wanted to kiss her, even if I knew.
[There was a progression, before Shiroe spoke - the thought of kissing, a heart beating too fast, a face hot and too-quick breath...not Suena, no, but he'd felt those exact things. After a moment, he speaks again.]
Why did you kiss me?
no subject
The fact that Keith actually says he doesn't want to follow Suena, or kiss her, or be with her shouldn't lift a weight from his shoulders, but it does. Shiroe is somewhat ashamed of himself for that, as insignificant as the difference is; Keith has said nothing indicating that he understands anything, after all. All Shiroe can gain from these statements is that he finally understood one situation after having it laid out explicitly, and still felt nothing.
He does grin then, briefly shutting his eyes.]
Keith Anyan only understands what he is not to do. What a surprise.
[The question, on the other hand. Shiroe doesn't want to answer, and not entirely because he isn't sure which of his desires took over the others in that moment. Pride won't allow him to say, I don't know, but an actual answer? There are many he can think of instantly, and at least two-thirds of them will turn this conversation back to Keith, away from Shiroe and his own issues.]
Isn't it textbook, the reason why people kiss? [Not without a heavy helping of irony, considering how far from ordinary the two of them are. There is no one else on the station - or anywhere that he would allow to be close to him like this, but like hell if he's going to say that.]
I wanted to see if your mouth could form anything but half a frown.
[Nailed it.]
no subject
It takes time for his mind to piece together what it is he did not feel from Suena and what he does feel from Shiroe. It takes more time to try to process the meaning of that, and what to do about it is almost impossible. At least until Shiroe asks what the textbook reason people kiss is. Whether or not it applies to them, he thinks about the meaning, the textbook reason. As an expression of affection, of romantic intention, to deepen bonds between two people, as a precursor to sex.
He knows all of this, but he does not know how it is meant to feel, this inconsequential thing that was never meant to enter his mind. But now his heart is beating hard and he's kissed Shiroe, and felt that strange tension build up inside himself. Affection. Romantic intention. To claim a girlfriend, or boyfriend. Meaningless frivolous pursuits.
He looks down at Shiroe with his breath coming too hard, and shakes his head.]
I had no interest in kissing Suena Dalton. [He speaks almost cautiousl - he does not trust Shiroe, but Shiroe is the only person who can explain this.] But I felt something entirely different with you.
[A pause.] If it's textbook, then am I meant to assume you want a relationship with me?
no subject
It's kind of insulting. But at the same time it's a shock - Shiroe is standing at the edge of a cliff and Keith's power to make a connection, any kind, between human action and human emotion has the power to send him over into the rocks below. Unconsciously he messes with Keith's hair again; if he goes over, it won't be alone.
And that is kind of the point, isn't it? Both of them are alone, at different ends of the spectrum, and since they obviously can never be normal enough to meet in the middle, they'll have to connect somewhere outside the allotted space. Mother Eliza will be furious.
Shiroe frowns, but his voice has an edge of amusement to it all the same:]
Maybe in your textbook.
[He makes a mental note: Keith has trouble with irony. Of course he does. All the same, there isn't much point in denying that Shiroe is... demanding. He won't call it want, because he feels entitled to whatever he demands, and right now he's demanding an ambiguous something from this stupid puppet boy who's still wrapped around him.
A relationship. Not in so many words. Not textbook. He bites the inside of his cheek thoughtfully, worrying it a bit, wondering what to say. Keith Anyan is the only person who's ever made Shiroe fear rejection, failure - losing at video games stings, for god's sake - he says:]
You've studied logic, haven't you? I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to do. I kissed you. Therefore, I wanted to kiss you. We'll stop there for now.
[He's starting to babble, so--hauling his guard back up, easing back into a smirk,] I can't give you all the answers like that! Tell me about what you felt.